AJ Mullican is a multigenre author of New Adult and Adult fiction. Her debut novel, WHISPERS OF DEATH, reached bestseller status on Amazon, as have a couple of box sets she has contributed to. Her next upcoming release is ESCAPE THE LIGHT, the sequel to her 2018 novel ABNORMAL.
I’m ba-a-a-ack! Back to writing on Book 3, that is, and it feels great!
I’ve been stuck for what seems like forever. For months now, I haven’t made any significant progress in the third installment of the Abnormal series, and it’s had me a little depressed.
Now I’m delving into some subject matter that is both familiar and foreign to me: mental illness.
Yes, anyone who has read this blog for a while knows that I’m bipolar. I’ve mentioned it a time or two. So, in theory, I know what mental illness feels like and how to write it–right?
Except I’m not writing about bipolar disorder. The character doesn’t have that; she has something else, something with similar undertones but entirely different motivations and some wildly different contexts. Still, I’m liking the way things are going this morning, and I hope I can maintain this momentum in the coming days/weeks to get this draft done so I can power through the edits and get it submitted.
Then it’s on to Book 4. Lol
I guess I’m almost halfway through the series now, which is a better way to look at it than “stuck on Book 3.”
I’m going to put my character through hell in the coming days/weeks, but she’ll come out stronger for it, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll come out with a stronger understanding of a condition that I’ll never have.
Sally’s heart sank as she watched the departure board flip through its series of delays. The storm outside raged, and the airport’s intercom had announced moments ago that its flights were all grounded pending a change in weather.
This flight had cost her the last of her savings. Without any extra cash for a hotel room for the night, she’d have to sleep in one of the terminal’s hard plastic chairs. Not something she was looking forward to, especially with her pain level compounded by the stress of recent weeks.
“Good thing I managed to get a room before they all filled up.”
The voice startled Sally, and she jumped. She spun around to see a tall, slender man in khakis and a navy polo shirt standing next to her. He had a slight five o’clock shadow, and despite his attempts to brush it back with his hand, a lock of brown hair kept escaping to fall over his eye.
He smiled down at her. “You staying at the hotel here through the storm, or are you heading into town for the night?”
Sally sighed and shrugged. “I guess I’m staying right here at Gate C.”
He frowned. “What? No. You can’t stay in the terminal overnight. That’s crazy.”
“Look around,” Sally said with a sweeping gesture. “There are plenty of people settling in. I just have to find a comfy chair to huddle up in until my flight’s finally cleared to leave.”
The man shook his head and extended a hand. “C’mon. I got a pretty decent suite for the night; I think there’s even a couch in the room. Come stay with me for a few hours at least. No funny business, just a place to crash until the storm clears.”
Sally looked at the offered hand but didn’t take it. “No offense, sir, but I don’t know you.”
He laughed. “Fair. How about dinner then? We can chat for a while, and if you decide I’m too sketchy then there’s no obligation to come up to my room with me.”
After a few moments’ consideration, Sally nodded and took his hand. She could use a good meal, and the airport bars and restaurants were crowded enough that there would probably be plenty of witnesses if he tried anything.
They sat at one of the airport bars, eating, drinking, and chatting away for hours. Sally warmed to him with each passing moment, and more often than not she found herself reaching out to place her hand over his. By the time the waiter shooed them to the door at closing, Sally had learned that the man’s name was Kevin, he worked in a large corporation (but despite his business casual dress, he wasn’t traveling for work–though he wouldn’t say why he was), and–best of all–he was single.
Kevin put a steadying arm around Sally as they made their way to his hotel room. Despite her initial hesitation, she had enjoyed the meal–and the drinks–enough to agree to his proposition. He even offered to take the couch so she could sleep in more comfort.
Sally took first crack at the shower, and the plush hotel robe felt wondrous against her skin afterwards.
When Kevin took his turn, she giggled as she heard him moan when the water started. He must’ve had a rough day, too, she thought, until she noticed that the moaning hadn’t stopped. Rather, it deepened and grew more frantic.
Curious, Sally tried the knob on the bathroom door–and found it unlocked. She inched the door open until she could see into the steamy bathroom. On the other side of the frosted glass shower door, Sally could make out Kevin’s silhouette. She grinned and entered the bathroom, letting the robe slide to the floor.
In the shower, Kevin stroked his massive cock. Even with all the steam and frosted glass, Sally could tell that he was built for pleasure. She opened the shower door and stepped inside. Kevin’s eyes stayed hooded, and his hand continued to pump, but he whimpered when he heard her come in.
“You don’t have to–” he whispered. “I–“
Before he could finish his protest, she wrapped her fingers around his dick and slid her slender hand up and down the silky shaft. “I don’t have to,” she purred, “but I want to.”
She pressed herself against his hard, wet body and placed her lips to his. For a few minutes they allowed themselves to explore each other, hands roaming and stroking. She shuddered when his fingertips brushed her breasts, and by the time he slid his long fingers into her soaking wet pussy she was more than ready. Sally let out a moan of her own and leaned her hips closer.
Kevin teased for a few moments, pumping his fingers in her tight slit. His breath quickened, and before she knew it, Sally found herself spun around and pressed face-first against the wall of the shower.
She expected a swift entry, but Kevin waited until his fingers had her writhing and screaming in ecstasy before he finally slid his cock inside. He snaked his hands around to her front and grabbed her firm breasts, massaging them as he pumped his hips. Sally arched her back as his thick shaft rammed into her time and time again.
Steaming hot water rained down on the two of them, and Sally was grateful for the hotel’s excellent water heater. She knew that if they’d been at her place, the water would have been ice cold by the time Kevin finished.
He filled her with one final thrust, and they stood under the stream for a few minutes, pressing against each other and trying to catch their breath. Kevin’s hand drifted from her breast to shut off the water. He pulled out and opened the shower door, grabbing each of them a fresh towel.
Minutes later, Sally and Kevin lay snuggled together on the king-sized bed, arms wrapped around each other as they basked in the afterglow. Sally’s head rested on Kevin’s shoulder, and he had one arm around her while the other stroked her nipple.
“Your breasts are so beautiful,” he said. “They’re perfect.”
A bitter laugh escaped Sally’s lips, and despite her best efforts she was reminded of why she had been traveling in the first place. “You can thank the reconstructive team at Johns Hopkins for those,” she said. “They did a great job.”
“Reconstructive? So–“
She nodded. “Yep.”
To Kevin’s credit, he didn’t back away. Instead, he held her closer. “Did they get it all?”
Sally sighed and shook her head. “Nope. Metastasized too fast. This trip was my one last chance to knock a few things off my bucket list. Y’know, Paris, London, Barcelona–I never got the chance to travel when I was younger. Too damn busy with crap that doesn’t even matter now.”
“I hear ya.” He opened his robe. “I’ve had some reconstruction done myself. You can’t even tell which testicle is fake. Sometimes even I forget.”
Sally sat up straight and turned to look Kevin in the eyes. “And yours? Did they get it all for you?”
This time it was Kevin’s turn to shake his head. “This was a bucket list trip for me, too, I guess. Got to see some great sights in Africa and Egypt. I’ll have some great memories to take with me to the grave.”
Sally nodded and leaned back into Kevin’s chest. “Where are you headed tomorrow, when the storms have let up?”
“Home. I’ve got a few things to get sorted before it’s all over.”
“What gate are you leaving from?”
“Terminal M, I think.”
“Oh. Mine’s C.”
He rested his chin on her head. “I remember.”
“Do you think you’ll have time for one more trip? Maybe come up to Baltimore for a few days?”
Kevin shook his head. “Nope. By the time I made the flight arrangements, it would be time for my parents to get started on my funeral arrangements.”
“I understand.”
“Not that I wouldn’t love to take you up on that invitation,” he said.
Sally and Kevin’s phones buzzed in unison on the bedside tables. Sally pulled out of Kevin’s arms and checked her message.
“Guess the flights are back on. Gotta get back down to my gate.”
“Me, too.”
Sally stood up and started to put on her clothes. “So–I guess I’ll see you again on the other side?”
I’ve been pretty quiet in the SCA so far. Not quite three years in, I tend to keep to myself and my circle of friends and don’t really rock the boat. This coming weekend, however, I may have to do some investigative work to find out where the rumor about me is truly coming from, because it seems that, despite my low profile, I’ve become the target of some gossip.
It’s not terribly bad gossip, but it is incorrect info that’s being spread, so I have to put the kibosh on it before things get crazy. I know that a lot of people have my back, but that’s not going to stop people from spreading misinformation apparently.
Am I terribly worried? Not really, but I can’t just let it go. People shouldn’t spread gossip regardless of how big or little the effect of said gossip might be. If you don’t know the whole story, then keep quiet. It’s simple. Don’t spread shit, won’t be shit.
Don’t worry, though. I’m keeping a level head about it. I won’t go off on the spreader or spreaders of gossip. I won’t scream or yell or even cuss. I’ll have a reliable witness, a Peer in the Society, with me when/if the need arises to confront the person or persons who are spreading lies. A discussion will be had, and then, hopefully, that will be that. I’ll go on with my life, they’ll go on with theirs, and things will settle down.
In a month, things will slow down as far as commissions go, and I’ll be able to focus on my writing and on projects for myself and my husband. Despite all the embroidery I’ve done for others in the Society, I have almost zero garb with my own embroidery on it!! Same for my husband. Lol So I’ll remedy that in the months following Estrella War. We’ll both be working on using our arts for ourselves (being a little selfish, but after the amount of work for others we’ve both done I think more than makes up for it) for a bit before we start back on commissions for our arts.
I’ll keep on moving, regardless of the rumors floating about. I’m not going to let a little scuttlebutt keep me down. 😉
Hey. How’s it going? Been a while. Yeah. Sorry about that.
I’ve been fighting a depressive episode for weeks. A month or more, maybe. I was so bogged down with deadlines and projects and stuff that I just hit a wall, and I hit so hard that I was knocked back a few pegs. I’m crawling back up, though, and I’m working on getting back to “normal”…whatever that is.
I haven’t wanted to write. I haven’t wanted to even look at my writing. I’ve just been churning out embroidery and sewing projects like there’s no tomorrow. Between my husband autocratting our Kingdom’s Twelfth Night event and the pile of to-dos leading up to Estrella War, I’ve been buried in SCA stuff and haven’t had the energy–physical, mental, or emotional–for anything else. And I’ve suffered because of it.
This past weekend was a productive one, from an SCA/housework standpoint. I finally got Christmas decorations put away, I got most of the laundry done, and I got two things checked off my “list” of pre-Estrella War projects. Most importantly, this productivity made me feel better about life in general, and this morning I was back to doing actual work. I got a short story edited and just about ready to submit to the anthology it’s going in, and I participated in the Write Event hashtags on Twitter, in earnest, for the first time in weeks.
There’s still a lot left to do before the War, but it’s more manageable. Here’s my list of stuff to be done in the next month:
Seems like a lot, but most of those projects are at least partly finished. The Pelican embroidery is about 1/3-1/2 done, the Toothless embroidery is halfway done, the embroidery on the bag is started and the fabric is cut, and my Valkyrie hood just has the pieces to be sewn for the reversible lining left, which are already cut out, so really the only non-started project is the embroidery on my friend’s hood, which shouldn’t take too long.
I always feel a rush of relief when I realize I’m digging my way out of a depressive hole, but I’ve got to be careful; if I get too excited about not being as depressed, I might end up swinging the pendulum the other way to the manic side, and while that might increase productivity for a while, it’s not going to solve the problem. I need to start prioritizing myself and my health, rather than trying to please everyone else.
My writing will be back on full swing after Estrella, but I’ll try to make myself get at least something done every day. The more I do, the more I’ll get done, and the better I’ll feel about it all. At least, that’s what I’m hoping.
I might even put on a little makeup today before work. Y’know, work on getting the outside to look like the inside’s starting to feel.
I’ll be okay. I promise. But yeah, this last episode was a doozy. Still is, a little bit. I’m getting there, though.
I know this blog has been quiet for a while, but I’ve got a nine minute window before I have to clock in for a busy day, so let’s see how much I can tell you….
Life has been hectic. Long work hours, lots of embroidery commissions on my plate, an event last weekend, and a period of three days where I accumulated about seven hours of sleep–total.
Last night I slept well, so I’m hoping that’s a good sign. I’m almost done with the picture embroidery on a Viking hood I’m making for someone, so soon I’ll just need to sew it together and do some seam treatments (which should go fairly quickly). After that, I have a larger project for a friend’s elevation, and after that I have a couple of quick embroidery projects, and–if I can get time–a couple MORE things for myself and my husband.
I’m trying to limit the number of commissions I take on, but the elevation piece was something I couldn’t pass up. After Estrella War, though, I plan on taking a break from commissions and focusing on work for my husband and myself. It looks really silly when I’m known across the kingdom for my embroidery, yet none of my garb is enbroidered!
That’s all I have time for right now! I’ll try to find time to post in more detail later.
A new year approaches: 2020, the year of the double crit, and it’s time to set some goals and make some plans. 🙂
My primary, short-term goals are more of a “to-do” list than actual goals. I have things piled up from this year that will need to be taken care of before I can take on new things. Here’s my list of “things that are left over from 2019 that I have to finish before the end of February 2020“:
-Write, edit, polish, submit short story to the anthology I’ve joined
-Complete the two Kingdom scrolls I’ve been assigned to do (SCA project)
-Finish my Valkyrie hood so I can fight in it at Estrella (SCA project)
-Full construction and embroidery on a commissioned Viking hood, hopefully before Estrella (SCA project)
-Full construction and embroidery on a Hedeby bag for my husband (SCA project)
-Embroidery commission for some friends (SCA project)
^^ These are things that have to be done. I have set a firm deadline for them, so I’ve gotta follow through.
Then there are some less-deadliney things. These are more the goals/plans that I’m making for the upcoming year:
-FINISH FIRST DRAFT ON BOOK 3
-Book 2 revisions/marketing/promotion (after back from beta readers–this will have a deadline because, well, publishing lol)
-Two current novellas-in-progress
-Potentially three more novellas (a trilogy)
-Teach more SCA arts classes
-Learn more SCA/medieval arts
-Get back into rapier fighting (now that I’ve lost enough weight that I feel comfortable fighting again–when I’m off restrictions, that is)
-Recertification for work
-Take better care of my mental health (and start asserting myself in those times where I normally back down and give in)
-Read more books
-Continue to build my social media presence as an author and build my brand
-Do more SCA (and mundane) sewing/embroidery/arts for myself and my husband
-Continue with my keto diet and weight loss, adding exercise as tolerated (once I’m off restrictions from my podiatrist)
-Work more with my co-author on our horror novel to get the first draft of that finished and in the editing process
This is by no means a comprehensive list, because, frankly, I haven’t thought about it that much yet. I’ve got so many things in the first list to get finished that I haven’t activated my “2020 vision.” Lol
But wait! 2020 isn’t just the start of a new year–it’s the start of a new decade. So, then, I’ve got 10 years’ worth of goals to devise. Let’s see what I can come up with here:
-Complete the 5-book ABNORMAL series and start on the ABNORMAL LINEAGE spin-off series
-Continue to take advantage of writing opportunities to participate in box sets/anthologies and grow as an author
-Expand body of written works to include more genres/standalones/etc
-Find an effective way to save money for attending conventions/book signings as an author–and then attend more signings and conventions 😉
-Strive to achieve Laurelhood before 2030 (which is, oddly enough, both within my ability to achieve and totally beyond my control haha)
-Work on overcoming (or at least adapting to) my social anxiety to where I can function better at social events, like conventions or SCA events
-Continue building an author network
-Learn more about generating graphics for book covers, book marketing, and other things
-Maintain the weight I’ve lost, get to a healthy weight, and try to find an exercise plan that works for my lifestyle
-Learn how to pattern more complex clothing (Viking I can do, but that’s too easy–I want to learn the concepts behind patterning that get me from measurements to finished garment without necessarily needing a manufactured pattern)
-Accept my grey hairs wholeheartedly
-Find a better balance between work/home/SCA/writing that encompasses all the things I need to do as well as all the things I want to do as well as omitting the things I don’t want to do lol
-Take more vacations
-Make my health a higher priority, in as much as it comes to calling out when I’m sick and not trying to “soldier on,” taking time off when it’s physically or mentally needed, and recognizing when I’m taking on too many projects for my mind and body to handle
It’s a tall order, but these are my goals for the next two months, the next year, and the next ten years. Note that I’m calling them “goals” instead of “resolutions.” I make the distinction because I’m not “resolving” to change things, but rather setting what I hope are realistic goals that will improve my writing career, further my SCA learning/experience, and keep me mentally sound through it all.
2020 is just another year, but at the same time it’s not. As long as I make an effort to do the things I want to do in the coming year/decade, 2020 is whatever I make of it. 🙂
In an unfortunate turn of events, my original blog post about Carrie Fisher’s death three years ago never migrated to this site when I bought this domain.
(You can read my original short tribute here. It’s a search link, but it’s there.)
Today, I saw her last performance as Leia Organa. I cried. Not loud, ugly crying, but I cried. Several times. I mean, I don’t cry at movies generally, but when I saw the name “General Leia Organa” on the screen, I teared up. Hell, when I saw the Star Wars scroll come on the screen, I teared up. I teared up when I thought of young Carrie. When I thought of flipping-people-off Carrie. When I saw Rey training with Leia. And the end–oh, my GODS, I cried. I left the theater sniffling.
The movie was amazing. Better than the eighth, possibly my new favorite of the Skywalker saga. But this post isn’t about the movie.
This post is about Carrie. About the impact her life–and death–had on me.
Since my original post is hidden on the interwebs, I’m going to write a new one. I get to do that, because this is my blog after all.
I never met Carrie. Never talked with her in any capacity, not even online. I have no connection to her in any way… Except for the bipolar disorder. That’s a thing we shared, and it’s a thing she was vocal about.
I want to be like that. I want to become a person who others see and say, “Hey, that chick is pretty cool. Oh hey, she has bipolar disorder. That’s cool.” I want people to see it as a part of me, but not all of me. I don’t want to hide it, and I want to be a part of making a world where no one has to hide it.
I’m not a huge celebrity like Carrie was. Is. She’s still with us in spirit, looking down on us all and giving us a big smile and bigger middle finger.
But she wasn’t always a big celebrity. She started out small, too, so there’s hope. Hope for everyone who wants to make it big, and hope for everyone who wants to make a difference. Maybe some day, someone who has read my writing, who hasn’t ever met me, will see a report about my death, and they’ll be sad. Maybe they’ll write their own blog post about the influence I had.
Not any time soon, mind you; I got shit to do. I’ve gotta write more books. Gotta spread the word about the things that affect me and many more like me. Gotta get out there, get known, and get busy. But maybe some day, when I become one with the Force, some stranger, some fan out there, will be affected. And maybe they’ll continue where I left off.
I’ve never shied away from talking about bipolar disorder and how it affects me, but now I’m going to make more of an effort to be vocal about it. I mean, I’m not going to get preachy or anything, but I’m going to be more … me.
Carrie Fisher wasn’t a friend of mine. She wasn’t anyone I’ve ever known. But she was a presence. She made an impact.
I can’t do it. I’ve been trying to ignore that fact, but I can’t ignore it anymore. I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.
What’s “it”? It’s everything. All the things, all at once, all in a short time frame with little to no free time in which to do any of the things, let alone ALL of them.
What do I have to do? Well, let me tell you what’s been keeping me awake last night into this morning:
I have to clean. The house is a disaster.
I have to finish sewing two undergarments and about 70-80 more buttons before the new year, and still go to work all day Monday and Tuesday morning.
I have one writing deadline that’s rapidly approaching, plus other projects in the works.
I have to finish the piles of laundry that I sorted last weekend.
I have embroidery projects that are piling up.
I have scrolls to draw/paint/callig.
I have to take down all the Christmas decorations.
And, until about fifteen minutes ago, I thought I had to go out of town this weekend.
But I won’t. I can’t. Not if I’m going to maintain my health and sanity. It can’t happen. Something’s gotta break here, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let it be me.
I got less than an hour and a half of sleep last night. Why, you ask? Because I let myself go to a party that I knew I didn’t have the time to go to. Because I knew I had all these things to do, so once I got home from said party (at 11pm), I couldn’t stop thinking about these things. Because these things seeped into my subconscious and invaded my dreams. Because I woke up thinking how I needed to do all these things but was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t make myself start ANY of them.
No more. No more parties. No more extra shit. No more, not until I’m somewhat caught up. I can’t do it. It’ll kill me.
It’s time to admit that I’m at the point where I can’t be Mrs. Nice Guy. I have to be the mean one. I have to say “No.”
Today, I stand up for myself. Today, I say what I should’ve said a week or more ago. Today, I get started on that list up there, piece by piece, and take the time to prioritize and figure out what I can do now, what I can put off a little bit, and what I need to stay home and get done this weekend.
I was literally pulling my hair out trying to decide which crucial thing I should work on first. My stomach was in knots, churning as I tried to stop the panic long enough to focus on any one of the many things I have to do. I couldn’t think straight, because all I could think about was the myriad things that have to get done.
I’m going to take a deep breath. Stop for a few minutes. Calm down. And I’m going to start on the things that need to get done. I won’t get many (any, really) completely done before work, but I can start on some, and a start is more than I had.
It’s going to be a year of puns and bad dad jokes. You might ask why…Well, I happen to be lucky enough to have a day job at an eye clinic–and it’s fixing to be 2020 all year long.
What’s in store for me for 2020? Let’s see…. Fingers crossed that Book 3 finally starts to behave and I can get it finished. Re-release of WHISPERS OF DEATH, complete with new cover design and revision of the inside text. *Hopefully* completion and release of ESCAPE THE LIGHT (ABNORMAL Book 2). Release of the WICKED SOULS box set in September. Two more box sets. Wait…three. Three more. Which means three more stories to write/edit/etc. And one of those stories may or may not lead in to a novella trilogy. So there’s that on the writing front.
Then, in SCA news, there’s Twelfth Night, which my husband is autocratting and which I have to make 2 undergarments and eleventy thousand buttons for. There will be Estrella War, which I hope to have at least one more outfit made for (and which I’ll finally be able to fight again for!). There are still commissions from 2019 begging to be completed…and who knows what new commissions will come in?
Work-wise (speaking of that eye clinic day job)….that remains to be seen. (Ha-ha) It’s not bad-bad, but it’s becoming…stagnant. That’s a good word for it, I guess. There’s no growth and no hope for improvement, from where I stand, but there’s also no way out, so I guess I’ll be there for the foreseeable future.
I’ve started making lists to keep track of what I need to do for writing and SCA. I’m starting to get helium hand when it comes to agreeing to do shit, and it’s making it hard to get the shit I already have to do done. Let’s hope that 2020 brings better time management, along with the ability to realize that I need to make time for both writing and SCA and that I need to take each into consideration when making agreements for the other. Just because I tend to compartmentalize does not mean my time will compartmentalize itself accordingly and give me the sections of time I need to do all the things.
My goals for 2020? I guess I can lay those out in a neat little list here. Give myself something to look back on and remind myself of:
-Finish Book 3's draft!!! -Finish edits/revisions on ESCAPE THE LIGHT and WITCHING HOUR: THE STROKE OF THREE -Draft/edit/revise CONJURING ASYLUM before the Feb 1 deadline -Finish cotehardie buttons and undergarments (in progress) -Finish revising WHISPERS OF DEATH and rerelease -Edit/revise SKIN DEEP -Draft/edit/revise TO MELT A FROZEN HEART -Make another apron dress and underdress -Pare down commission list and complete current commissions before Estrella War, then start getting smart about taking on more -Teach a couple of classes (in the SCA--not in writing lol) -INSERT OTHER GOALS AS THEY PRESENT THEMSELVES
It’s a deceptively accomplishable list. I say deceptively because there will inevitably be new opportunities and new commissions to take on. Estrella is only in February, and new writing opportunities are popping up left and right lately. That last goal, the one bold printed in all caps, is the kicker. I don’t yet know what new goals/deadlines will present themselves.
