Education – AJ Mullican, Author

As the sun rises on 2020, it’s time to set goals

#bipolar, #books, #design, #dreams, #dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, Abnormal, anxiety, Art, Celebrity, Convention, costuming, cover art, Crafting, Critique, Depression, Education, embroidery, escape the light, Exercise, Fandom, fencing, Fitness, Food, Geek, Health, Holiday, Keto, Learning, Marketing, Mental Health, Musings, New Year, Novel, novella, Promotion, Reading, Romance, SCA, Sci-fi, Sewing, Short story, Short Story, Social Media, swordfighting, Thoughts, Time, Weight loss, WIP, Work, Writing

A new year approaches: 2020, the year of the double crit, and it’s time to set some goals and make some plans. 🙂

My primary, short-term goals are more of a “to-do” list than actual goals. I have things piled up from this year that will need to be taken care of before I can take on new things. Here’s my list of “things that are left over from 2019 that I have to finish before the end of February 2020“:

-Write, edit, polish, submit short story to the anthology I’ve joined

-Complete the two Kingdom scrolls I’ve been assigned to do (SCA project)

-Finish my Valkyrie hood so I can fight in it at Estrella (SCA project)

-Full construction and embroidery on a commissioned Viking hood, hopefully before Estrella (SCA project)

-Full construction and embroidery on a Hedeby bag for my husband (SCA project)

-Embroidery commission for some friends (SCA project)

^^ These are things that have to be done. I have set a firm deadline for them, so I’ve gotta follow through.

Then there are some less-deadliney things. These are more the goals/plans that I’m making for the upcoming year:

-FINISH FIRST DRAFT ON BOOK 3

-Book 2 revisions/marketing/promotion (after back from beta readers–this will have a deadline because, well, publishing lol)

-Two current novellas-in-progress

-Potentially three more novellas (a trilogy)

-Teach more SCA arts classes

-Learn more SCA/medieval arts

-Get back into rapier fighting (now that I’ve lost enough weight that I feel comfortable fighting again–when I’m off restrictions, that is)

-Recertification for work

-Take better care of my mental health (and start asserting myself in those times where I normally back down and give in)

-Read more books

-Continue to build my social media presence as an author and build my brand

-Do more SCA (and mundane) sewing/embroidery/arts for myself and my husband

-Continue with my keto diet and weight loss, adding exercise as tolerated (once I’m off restrictions from my podiatrist)

-Work more with my co-author on our horror novel to get the first draft of that finished and in the editing process

This is by no means a comprehensive list, because, frankly, I haven’t thought about it that much yet. I’ve got so many things in the first list to get finished that I haven’t activated my “2020 vision.” Lol

But wait! 2020 isn’t just the start of a new year–it’s the start of a new decade. So, then, I’ve got 10 years’ worth of goals to devise. Let’s see what I can come up with here:

-Complete the 5-book ABNORMAL series and start on the ABNORMAL LINEAGE spin-off series

-Continue to take advantage of writing opportunities to participate in box sets/anthologies and grow as an author

-Expand body of written works to include more genres/standalones/etc

-Find an effective way to save money for attending conventions/book signings as an author–and then attend more signings and conventions 😉

-Strive to achieve Laurelhood before 2030 (which is, oddly enough, both within my ability to achieve and totally beyond my control haha)

-Work on overcoming (or at least adapting to) my social anxiety to where I can function better at social events, like conventions or SCA events

-Continue building an author network

-Learn more about generating graphics for book covers, book marketing, and other things

-Maintain the weight I’ve lost, get to a healthy weight, and try to find an exercise plan that works for my lifestyle

-Learn how to pattern more complex clothing (Viking I can do, but that’s too easy–I want to learn the concepts behind patterning that get me from measurements to finished garment without necessarily needing a manufactured pattern)

-Accept my grey hairs wholeheartedly

-Find a better balance between work/home/SCA/writing that encompasses all the things I need to do as well as all the things I want to do as well as omitting the things I don’t want to do lol

-Take more vacations

-Make my health a higher priority, in as much as it comes to calling out when I’m sick and not trying to “soldier on,” taking time off when it’s physically or mentally needed, and recognizing when I’m taking on too many projects for my mind and body to handle

It’s a tall order, but these are my goals for the next two months, the next year, and the next ten years. Note that I’m calling them “goals” instead of “resolutions.” I make the distinction because I’m not “resolving” to change things, but rather setting what I hope are realistic goals that will improve my writing career, further my SCA learning/experience, and keep me mentally sound through it all.

2020 is just another year, but at the same time it’s not. As long as I make an effort to do the things I want to do in the coming year/decade, 2020 is whatever I make of it. 🙂

2020 Vision

#books, #design, #dreams, #dystopian, #publishing, Abnormal, Celebrity, costuming, Crafting, Critique, Education, embroidery, escape the light, Exercise, Fandom, fencing, Geek, Learning, Marketing, Musings, New Year, Novel, novella, Promotion, Romance, SCA, Sci-fi, Self Publishing, Sewing, Short story, Short Story, Stress, Thoughts, Time, WIP, Work, Writing

It’s going to be a year of puns and bad dad jokes. You might ask why…Well, I happen to be lucky enough to have a day job at an eye clinic–and it’s fixing to be 2020 all year long.

What’s in store for me for 2020? Let’s see…. Fingers crossed that Book 3 finally starts to behave and I can get it finished. Re-release of WHISPERS OF DEATH, complete with new cover design and revision of the inside text. *Hopefully* completion and release of ESCAPE THE LIGHT (ABNORMAL Book 2). Release of the WICKED SOULS box set in September. Two more box sets. Wait…three. Three more. Which means three more stories to write/edit/etc. And one of those stories may or may not lead in to a novella trilogy. So there’s that on the writing front.

Then, in SCA news, there’s Twelfth Night, which my husband is autocratting and which I have to make 2 undergarments and eleventy thousand buttons for. There will be Estrella War, which I hope to have at least one more outfit made for (and which I’ll finally be able to fight again for!). There are still commissions from 2019 begging to be completed…and who knows what new commissions will come in?

Work-wise (speaking of that eye clinic day job)….that remains to be seen. (Ha-ha) It’s not bad-bad, but it’s becoming…stagnant. That’s a good word for it, I guess. There’s no growth and no hope for improvement, from where I stand, but there’s also no way out, so I guess I’ll be there for the foreseeable future.

I’ve started making lists to keep track of what I need to do for writing and SCA. I’m starting to get helium hand when it comes to agreeing to do shit, and it’s making it hard to get the shit I already have to do done. Let’s hope that 2020 brings better time management, along with the ability to realize that I need to make time for both writing and SCA and that I need to take each into consideration when making agreements for the other. Just because I tend to compartmentalize does not mean my time will compartmentalize itself accordingly and give me the sections of time I need to do all the things.

My goals for 2020? I guess I can lay those out in a neat little list here. Give myself something to look back on and remind myself of:

-Finish Book 3's draft!!!
-Finish edits/revisions on ESCAPE THE LIGHT and WITCHING HOUR: THE STROKE OF THREE
-Draft/edit/revise CONJURING ASYLUM before the Feb 1 deadline
-Finish cotehardie buttons and undergarments (in progress)
-Finish revising WHISPERS OF DEATH and rerelease
-Edit/revise SKIN DEEP
-Draft/edit/revise TO MELT A FROZEN HEART
-Make another apron dress and underdress
-Pare down commission list and complete current commissions before Estrella War, then start getting smart about taking on more
-Teach a couple of classes (in the SCA--not in writing lol)
-INSERT OTHER GOALS AS THEY PRESENT THEMSELVES

It’s a deceptively accomplishable list. I say deceptively because there will inevitably be new opportunities and new commissions to take on. Estrella is only in February, and new writing opportunities are popping up left and right lately. That last goal, the one bold printed in all caps, is the kicker. I don’t yet know what new goals/deadlines will present themselves.

After all, I don’t exactly have 2020 vision.

Keto craziness

anxiety, Education, Food, Health, Learning, Mental Health, Musings, Plus size, Stress, Thoughts, Weight loss

Well, I did it. I started my keto diet today.

Yesterday, my husband and I went to the grocery store to pick up some foods that I can eat now. It was an–illuminating experience. Okay, frustrating is more the word for it. You see, I’d made a list of the basic foods that I’m allowed to eat now, and I was prepared to just get those basic foods. My husband, on the other hand, wanted to try to find keto versions of foods like tortillas and pastas and pasta sauces, and I hadn’t really looked into that. My bad, I know, but I was just planning on ripping off the band-aid and cutting out the carb-y stuff right off. I had my final week of carb-laden eating. I had my last hurrah, my time to think about what I have been eating and what I will be eating and how that affects my future. I just didn’t think about veggie pasta and whether or not it might be keto-friendly.

Today and tomorrow some cookbooks we ordered will arrive, and we’ll have actual recipes and stuff to work with. Right now? Yeah, I’m kind of winging it. I took a bunch of lists of keto-friendly foods and wrote down the ones I’d eat, then we bought some things off that list to get me through until Friday when we can do some serious grocery shopping with the recipes to go from.

It’s odd, but that last week of eating like I normally do (and logging everything I ate/drank) really gave me perspective. Those carb-laden foods I so loved are always high caloric and not as filling as one might think. I was still hungry, still unsatisfied even with no restrictions during that week. And seeing the quantities of food and calories I’d been consuming really made me feel bad. Like, I didn’t realize how bad I was eating until then. I knew I wasn’t eating the greatest of foods, but I didn’t comprehend how self-damaging my previous diet was.

I haven’t made my lunch yet, but I went ahead and logged it in the Carb Manager app that I downloaded at my keto coach’s advice. The app gives me 25g of net carbs per day to eat–after lunch, I’ll have 5g carbs left. (My coach said to cut down to 20g carbs, but I haven’t figured out all the settings on the app yet to change it.) But logging helps. I can see okay, one full bell pepper in my salad is too much, so I’ll have to cut half of one instead. Maybe a quarter pepper. I can put in X number of black olives before it starts adding to my carb count for the day, and the two cups of spinach it defaulted to should be enough to fill me up. A small amount of cheese for added fat and flavor and I’ll be okay.

I can do this. I can lose this weight. I can cut off Death at the pass and say no, not today, man. I’ve got things to do. I have two book series to write yet, and embroidery commissions, and a Laurelhood to strive for, and rapier practice to get back to (once I’m at a weight where I feel comfortable with it again). I’ve got things to do. I can’t let myself croak because I didn’t want to change.

Grocery shopping will still be frustrating for a while until we get a better gist of what-all we’re looking for. I’ll be hungry at times and not have anything other than a handful of nuts or a small piece of cheese or something to snack on. But I’ll be okay. I’ll get through it.

Book 3, Take 2

#books, #dystopian, #publishing, Abnormal, Critique, Education, escape the light, Learning, Musings, Novel, Sci-fi, Thoughts, Writing

So Take 3 of Book 2 is done (translation: I finished the first official round of revisions on Escape the Light, which is technically the third draft because I had to redraft the first draft after I finished Abnormal), which means I should probably get cracking on the train wreck of a draft that is Book 3.

I know that “The first draft of anything is shit.” (Credited to Hemingway, according to the interwebs.) I know that. But so far, Book 3’s first draft is a special kind of shit. The kind that makes me want to burn it and bury the ashes (and it’s mostly a digital file–there are a few handwritten pages, but can’t exactly burn a digital file).

It starts off…okay. Then, through a series of poorly-written events, it derails and ends up circling back around on itself in an endless loop of crap. I’ve got a lot of work to do.

There are debates in the writing community about whether one should write a draft straight through and edit later or whether it’s okay to edit-as-you-go. I’m of the latter group, especially having rewritten most of Escape the Light to get it to match up with the revised ending of Abnormal. Rewriting an entire draft sucks. It’s a pain in the ass, and it’s obnoxious. So I’d rather go back on Book 3 while it’s still a baby draft and rewrite the first five chapters, as opposed to rewriting twenty-something after I finish this steaming pile.

Don’t get me wrong; when I’m done, Book 3 will be amazing. I know where I want to go with it, I just can’t seem to get the train on the right track. Once I get back in the groove of things, it’ll fly along like usual. My hope is to finish the first draft before Escape the Light is published. With all the embroidery projects I have ahead of me I’m not sure if I’ll make that goal, but I’m keeping hopeful.

I think the hardest thing will be writing the things that I don’t know. How fast do babies grow? What are their milestones? What’s war like? How would a battle in a decimated wasteland play out? What’s postpartum depression like? Postpartum psychosis? What’s the difference? So many questions to ask, so much research to do. I have a feeling I’ll be bugging friends and family members with some of this. Sure, I can go to the Google and search a bunch of crap, but as far as first-hand accounts of combat versus academic articles–Well, c’mon, it’s a no-brainer. I have to be careful, though, because asking questions like that can trigger bad PTSD moments. So I also have to tiptoe. Don’t want to alienate everyone just for the sake of authenticity.

This post is obviously a stalling tactic. If I’m writing the post about writing, then I don’t have to write, right?

All eyes on me?

#books, #design, #dystopian, #publishing, Abnormal, anxiety, Education, Learning, Marketing, Novel, Podcast, Sci-fi, Social Media, Stress, Writing

It’s Marketing Time again in my publisher’s writing group, so I spent this morning tweaking and posting some graphics on various social media sites to try to generate sales/interest for Abnormal. I need to screenshot my current insights, I suppose, to have a comparison to make.

Marketing has been by far the biggest challenge to my writing career. I just don’t understand it. Some posts I make have a huge impact with a lot of interactions, and some (that I personally think are more interesting or entertaining) get zip. It’s just something I can’t wrap my head around.

It scares me a bit. I mean, I’m the one most responsible for getting my book out there and seen/read by more people. So why can’t I seem to get the hang of it?

Who knows. I tried contacting bookstores in the state–almost no response. I tried contacting libraries–zip. I tried several blogs/podcasts/book review sites–crickets. I just don’t know what I’m doing/not doing that’s so wrong.

In person I can sell the book just fine. I can talk it up and get people interested and even get them to buy it. Granted, it’s mostly friends/family/coworkers that are buying when I do this, but I have managed to convince several strangers to give it a shot, too. So it’s not that I’m not capable of selling my book. I just can’t seem to translate the in-person pitch to a post or tweet. Which is weird, given that I have severe social anxiety and tend to stammer when I get nervous–which is just about any time someone asks me about my book. You’d think that I’d do better from behind a phone or computer screen.

So I posted a few graphics today, and I’ll keep an eye on the analytics/insights to see what-all worked and what didn’t. Here are the things I posted today, minus any hashtags and the like:

Apparently there’s a way to put up a story on Instagram and allow comments, but I couldn’t figure it out. Oh, well. They’re out on the Web now, so time and analytics will tell if these graphics help me out or not.

I’m trying. I really am. I just get so overwhelmed with all there is to do to market a book. It’s not just throwing it out into the ether and waiting for the income. It doesn’t work that way. But hopefully, with the help of my publisher, I’ll get some traction.

Of Arts and Sciences, Part 2

#design, #dreams, #nerd, anxiety, Art, costuming, Crafting, Critique, Depression, Education, embroidery, Geek, Learning, Mental Health, Musings, Original art, SCA, Sewing, Stress, Thoughts

Well, the local Arts and Sciences competition is over, and I didn’t win anything. I’m not overly surprised, but it’s still a little disappointing.

It’s not so much the fact that I didn’t win anything. Sometimes you don’t win, and that’s okay. What bothers me more is how unprepared I was for some of the questions I got from my judges. They asked about specifics about the history of the type of art I chose to enter, if there were any extant examples I knew of, and a little more stuff that, honestly, I couldn’t answer. It got me thinking…

…I know I’m not going to become a Laurel overnight. It usually takes years and years and years of hard work, research, and determination. Decades, sometimes. And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with the possibility of being the 50-something vigilant who has to be helped to kneel before the Crown because of her arthritis. That’s fine.

What bugs me, though, is the research part. I can do research. I know how. But what I never learned is how to retain it. I had people rattling off grave site names and examples of digs where certain things could have been found and dates and time periods and…I can’t get that stuff to stick. In school, I would retain facts long enough to pass the test and then they’d flutter away on the breeze the second the test was over. My brain doesn’t hold on to stuff the way it does for most others I see who are heavily active in the SCA. I can remember that the serial killer Albert Fish liked to shove rose stems, thorns and all, in his urethra, but I can’t remember what time period my favorite style of Norse art is from. I could read it a thousand times, but it won’t stick. Why? Who knows. All I know is that this little idiosyncracy might have a negative impact on my potential future as a Laurel.

You see, Laurels are supposed to not only be experts in doing the art and/or science they’re known for, they’re supposed to be experts in the history of the art and/or science as well. How can I become that level of expert if my brain won’t hold on to the data?

I worry. I hesitate. And I wonder if it’s imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head or if this is a serious concern. Am I just doubting for no reason, or should I reconsider my path? I mean, maybe I’m not meant to be knowledgeable about the pretty things I make. Maybe I’m just meant to make them and that’s it.

Or maybe I’m just tired. It’s been a long day, so long that I’ve had entirely too much time to think. That’s always a dangerous thing for me.

Of Art and Science

#design, #nerd, anxiety, Art, Crafting, Critique, Education, embroidery, Geek, Learning, Musings, SCA, Sewing, Stress, Thoughts, Time

Last weekend’s Arts and Sciences competition in a neighboring Barony went well, and tomorrow is the A&S competition for my own Barony. I have mixed feelings about it.

Last year was a disaster. A fiasco. A veritable shit show. I entered two pieces and was supposed to be judged by three people for each piece. This did not happen, largely because not enough judges were acquired for the event. For one item they press-ganged a judge at the last minute, because I complained to our Seneschal about the lack of judging (and because one of the judges who was supposed to judge it, who specifically told me she would be back to judge it, wandered off to judge something else and never came back). It was a miserable day spent at a table waiting to discuss my pieces with the judges, and I was so upset at having a terrible experience with A&S competition–my first experience entering in A&S–that I got stupid drunk that night and ended up vomiting Cheetos all over the side of the car and my Italian Renaissance dress. (Many, many thanks to my wonderful husband who cleaned all that mess up while I took a cold shower to sober up a bit.) I even sent a politely-worded but still quite blunt email to our Baron and Baroness about how awful the whole experience was, and how as a novice entering for the first time I hoped this experience wouldn’t sour me to A&S as a whole.

I had a much better time of it at the neighboring Barony’s A&S the following weekend (last year the events were on back to back weekends as well, but in reverse order compared to this year). Enough that I was willing to consider entering in an A&S again, but not so much that I was willing to enter into the Kingdom-level competition. No way.

This year? This year I’m entering just one piece for the local A&S, but I’m confident enough to try to enter it in Kingdom later in the year–possibly even multiple entries, depending on how quickly I can make it through my current backlog of projects.

I’m still apprehensive about tomorrow though. I mean, I know different people are running the competition, and knowing who’s running it makes me feel a tad bit more at ease about my likelihood of being judged appropriately, but last year’s competition still has left a vile taste in my mouth. (And no, it’s not the memories of the regurgitated Cheetos.)

I need to get cracking on the paper for it tonight or tomorrow morning (in true AJ style, I’ll be cramming at the last minute lol I hate writing papers), though I think this year they’re not being sticklers for full documentation. I think they’re taking a page from our neighboring Barony and letting entrants that aren’t going for Champion do minimal documentation. If that’s the case, I should be good to go for the most part, just some minor tweaks.

Here’s hoping I don’t get gypped again this year. I don’t think I will, but that doubt still lingers….

Revising my point of view on revisions

#books, #publishing, Abnormal, Critique, Education, escape the light, Learning, Novel, Time, Writing

With my edits back and me back home, my early-morning, pre-work writing/revising time is back on track.

Except “back” is a word I shouldn’t be using, according to these edits. It’s “staging.” Except when it’s not.

Yeah. It’s like that. You see, “was” is not always passive–except when it is. So don’t use “was” in the passive form of the verb. But when it’s active it’s okay? I think that’s how it goes.

The first round of edits is always frustrating for me, because things like “back” and “was” are highlighted regardless of use or context, so I find myself second-guessing on whether the use of these words is correct or if it’s “wrong.” I either go overboard rewording my manuscript in strange ways to avoid the use of these highlighted words and phrases or I go underboard by skipping the highlights as erroneous. Neither is a great way to go about it, but I have to get things done somehow.

I might make use of my publisher’s offer for a consultation, but I don’t know if I’m getting it finally or if I’m getting fed up with it. On the one hand, if I’m getting it that means I used the highlighted words correctly in the first place, but if not that means I’m skipping over a lot of work that I’ll just have to go back and do in the future.

I get that you want to avoid using “had” when there are other options, but what if that’s the word you wanted??

So much to do…I’ll get it done, but I’m concerned that I’m not getting it done “right.” Or am I?

Who knows. I suppose once I get done (I’m only about six chapters in on my revisions) I’ll go back and see how much of what is still “wrong.” If I seem to be lacking in the amount of actual revising I did, I guess it’s consult time. If not, maybe I’m okay. I wish there was an easy way to tell if you’re getting better or not. As it is, I see all these words so neatly color-coded for my review and I start to doubt.

Oh, wait…”neatly” is an adverb. So scratch that. Those are bad. But I guess, according to the color codes, “now” and “then” are considered adverbs. Google confirms this. (Give me a break, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve taken a course on grammar.) So…what if I meant “now,” though? Do I still cut it? Because cutting it in some places is fine, but in others it changes the meaning or emphasis of what I was saying. Ugh.

I guess the above paragraph says it all. I still need the consult. Grr. So much time waiting on these edits to get back, and now I have to push things back even further so I can get remedial up in here.

Don’t get me wrong–there’s a lot of good in this document. It just needs the same polishing that every manuscript needs before being published. A little spit and shine, as it were.

I suppose I’ve digressed long enough. Time to get back to it before I have to get ready for the day job.

The self-taught student becomes the professor

#design, anxiety, Art, Crafting, Education, embroidery, Learning, Musings, SCA, Sewing, Tutorial

Last weekend at Potrero War in California was nice. No laptop. No work. No writing. No working up patients. Just spending time in the “current middle ages,” cruising Merchant’s Row, and learning a new embroidery stitch.

I got some new embroidery floss while I was there. Okay, so I didn’t need new thread–as is evidenced by the above photo. About 20-30 are new skeins or partial skeins. The rest? Aside from about a dozen new skeins I bought to match threads I used on a new project I started, those were all ones I previously had. I just mathed it, and I had approximately 180+ skeins or partial skeins of cotton embroidery floss–some gifted, some purchased secondhand, some purchased new. I might have a problem of sorts.

On the plus side, I have plenty of floss to hand out to the people who show up for my class Saturday at Atenveldt’s Kingdom Collegium. It’ll be my first time teaching any kind of class, and my first time teaching embroidery. Am I nervous? Hell yeah, I am.

Let me back it up a bit. I’ve always been one of “those” people who pick things up fairly quickly. Almost doesn’t matter what the subject was in school or in the work field, I just absorbed whatever I saw and went on with life. This brings me to my first, biggest concern about teaching: I don’t know how to teach. I learn differently from most people, so I don’t know how to disseminate the information in an instructive manner. Take the embroidery, for instance: I have learned nearly all I know about embroidery from looking at pictorials or video tutorials on Pinterest. Yeah. Like I said, I’m one of “those” people. The annoying ones who didn’t have to study for tests and just kinda skated through school and stuff.

This learning advantage puts me at a disadvantage when it comes to teaching things. I know how to look at a how-to photo or video and recreate the thing and do it. But I don’t know how to explain what I just did. And I’ll have to explain roughly eight different stitches to up to ten people Saturday. Eight stitches that, for the most part, I learned by looking at pictures.

Now, I do have a handout prepared…with the photos that I, myself, found most useful on Pinterest. Are they going to be useful to the people taking my class? I have no clue. I’m hoping and praying they are, or at least that I can supplement the photos with my own explanations of how to do the things.

I’ll have a few things to my favor: I’ll be in person, able to show each “student” hands-on how to do the stitches. I’ll be able to take my own embroidery hoop with fabric and demonstrate the stitches. (Note to self: Prepare a hoop for my own use during class.) But will I be able to impart knowledge that I kind of assimilated?

Another concern of mine is my cursed stammering when I get nervous. And with as many as ten people sitting in and listening to what I have to say/teach, I’ll be nervous. I’m hoping they’re all nice. Last thing I need is a heckler in class. Finally, add in a generous helping of social anxiety and I’m on edge. I’ve been able to distract myself with preparations so far, but now that I’ve got all that floss organized, I’m back to reality.

This is all for a purpose, though. To advance in the path of the Arts in the SCA, teaching is kind of part of the package. It’s one thing to make art, but it’s quite another to teach it to others. Sharing knowledge is important on the path to becoming a Laurel, which I hope to someday be.

Yeah, I’ve only been embroidering for about a year and a half, and I have almost zero formal training. (I did learn a new stitch in the class I took at Potrero, so it’s not 100% untrained.) Yeah, I only got my first Arts award a month ago. But I have to remind myself that I was good enough to be approached to work on garb for one set of royals in the SCA (and to be allowed to work on garb for another set). I was good enough to help my husband with largesse for another set of royals. I’ve been asked to take part in some rather important embroidery projects for my Barony. I’ve even done the Pelican embroidery for a good friend’s elevation mantle. I may have picked it up quickly, but I have learned quite a lot, and I think–I think–I can impart this knowledge on others.

I got this. It may be intimidating at first, but once I get into the classroom I’ll just have to tell myself that I have things to teach, wisdom to share, and, hopefully, the skill to share that wisdom and help others learn a new skill…and possibly a new favorite art.

Try, try again

#bipolar, #books, #dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, Abnormal, AMA, anxiety, Celebrity, Depression, Education, Geek, Health, Interview, Learning, Mental Health, Musings, Novel, Podcast, Promotion, Q&A, Sci-fi, Social Media, Stress, Thoughts

On the advice of many, many people, I went to my psychiatrist yesterday (a month earlier than scheduled) and talked to him about all the stress I’m under. New medicine acquired, old medicine discarded, and now we play the waiting game.

Basically I have a month to adjust to the low dosage of the new med (which totally sounds like an alien species) before I get the full dose filled. There are a few bonuses to this new med:

No known weight gain side effects
Long half-life, so once I’m on the higher dose I’ll only have to take it Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays
Teeny little capsule, so not a huge gag issue

The med is soon-to-be-approved for bipolar depression, so that’ll help with that side of things, but I am dubious as to the anxiety/stress benefits of the med. If it’s supposed to help with depression, will it also help these other things? We shall see, I guess.

Speaking of bipolar disorder, I’m slated to appear on a podcast called Speak Your Mind, which is a mental health podcast. I know, I know, it’s not my usual book/writing podcast venue, but the host is excited to talk about Abnormal and my writing in addition to discussing mental health issues in my life and in society as a whole. More info to come on that once I’ve gotten a date scheduled. We had a good, long chat the other night, so I’m hopeful that someone listening in gets some benefit out of hearing my story and my struggles.

I try not to get too political about mental health, but let’s face it: mental health is widely ignored by insurance companies and even more widely stigmatized in society as a whole. I think back on the work that Carrie Fisher did to try to destigmatize mental illness, and I think this is one cause I can get behind, not only because it directly affects me but also because it affects such a wide range of people, and not enough people talk about it. Maybe one day, when I’ve hit the NYT bestseller list, I can have the kind of influence where my experiences make a difference.

Yes, I have a mental illness. Yes, I have bipolar disorder. Yes, I take medicines to be “normal.” No, I’m not crazy.