Category: Health

New Year, New Me?

Health, New Year, Novel, Self Publishing

It’s that time again! The past two years I’ve made a list of resolutions with decreasing success in accomplishing said list. The first year I did great; the second, not so much. This year, I’m keeping it short and sweet. I want to finish the first draft of my work-in-progress, and I want to eat less. Not necessarily “lose X amount of poundage,” but control my cravings and try to have small portions.

I’m hoping that by having a short list of resolutions I’ll better be able to stick to it. Last year was dismal, and I know it kind of started with the disappointment of the weight gain after the holidays and the snowball effect of being depressed about the weight gain, eating because I was depressed, more weight gain, etc.

There will be a few semi-resolutions, I guess. Make more friends, even if it’s just through social media. Try to learn how to market my book better so I can get more sales and have it reach a wider audience than just friends and coworkers (that was part of this year’s resolutions, but since I don’t think that anyone other than friends bought it so far I’m calling that one a dud). Come up with more ideas for my own original content/articles for Talk Nerdy With Us. Not really resolutions per se, as they were things I was wanting to do in general to begin with, but just some sort of goals to strive for.

I don’t want to make sweeping changes. Just some little things that will hopefully make life better in the coming year.

The cat came back the very same day

Cats, Health, Insomnia, Mental Health, Sleep

Rory, Rory, Rory. What am I going to do with you?

I’ve tried feeding him later at night so he’s not as hungry in the morning. I’ve tried closing him out of the bedroom at night. I’ve tried ignoring him. I’ve tried holding him down so he can’t knead on my throat.

But the cat just keeps coming back.

Rory is too smart for my own good. When we first got him, I was having insomnia. I’d wake up between 0130 and 0200 every morning and be unable to go back to sleep. Rory decided that this meant I was supposed to be up at this time, and I have not had an uninterrupted night of sleep since.

I tried untraining him, but that hasn’t worked. He has his mind set that I am awake at a certain time, and that’s that. Granted, he has started waking me up a tad later–like around 0215-0300–but the cat just keeps coming back.

Some mornings, like today, I can tell he just wants food. Still, I wait at least an hour until I feed him so he (hopefully) doesn’t get an immediate association between me waking up and him eating.

Some mornings, he just wants me up. I’ll try to go back to sleep only to have him come back an hour later and start in again. He doesn’t necessarily want anything in particular. In fact, sometimes he immediately goes off to the other room to go back to sleep himself. It’s like once I’m awake all is right with the world and he can rest easy knowing he did his job.

I know I should shut up and accept my fate, but there’s got to be a better way.

I’ll keep trying new things.

But the cat will still come back.

The weird sleep

Health, Sleep

Is there a medicine to take away weird dreams? If not, I feel there should be.

As any regular reader of this blog may know, I have troubles sleeping sometimes. Okay, often. Okay, almost every night. On top of that, I also usually have extremely strange, vivid dreams.

I am so tired of being tired. I take my medications like I’m supposed to, but I still have a lot of trouble staying asleep through the night and getting a good restful sleep.

*Sigh* I guess this post is turning into more of a bitchfest than an actual post. I’m sorry, guys. I just can’t muster up the brainpower to think of something worthwhile to say.

An active mind is a healthy mind

Education, Health, Learning, Mental Health, Work

As I get ready for work today, I’m both dreading it (I didn’t sleep well) and looking forward to it. Why? Because I’m learning something new!

One of the things I love about my day job is that there is the constant opportunity to learn and keep my mind fresh. Healthcare is always changing, and there are always new things on the horizon.

When I worked retail, I felt stifled and drained. I didn’t have anything to look forward to when I clocked in except clocking out. Today, though, I am scheduled to learn a new position that will give me more to know.

Learning doesn’t have to be boring. Some people don’t do well in school because of the teaching methods, but they’re actually really brilliant. Everyone is brilliant in some ways. For some people it’s academics…unfortunately for others, it’s crime or something. But try to learn something (beneficial) as often as you can. Look up subjects that interest you. Heard about a new product and want to know more? Google or Bing it! Curious about the political situation? Search (reputable) news sites. What’s that suspicious mole? Well, best to go to the doctor for that one…but research the diagnosis after you see a physician.

Tears Unshed

Depression, Health, Mental Health, Thoughts, Uncategorized

I hate mental illness sometimes.

It just fucks everything up. I’m fine one minute, then sad the next. For no fucking reason. And it sucks.

There’s nothing that happened today to make me down, but since I’ve gotten home from work it’s started.

I feel hopeless. I feel like it’s never going to end–never mind that I don’t know what “it” is or why I want “it” to end. Don’t start freaking out though; I know that “it” isn’t life. I want life to keep going on. I don’t want that to end. Just…something.

It’s the usual depression symptoms. Loss of interest in the things I like to do. Withdrawal into myself. General malaise. It’s actually quite boring. I’m bored with depression. Go figure.

I’m just over it. Sick and tired of it. I need to kick my own ass into gear. Bust my chops. Smack myself upside the head and tell myself to quit whining and do something.

If only I could find the energy to do all that.

What is this strange beast called “Sleep”?

Health, Insomnia

Sleep. I haven’t been used to getting much of it the past, well, 10 months or more.

I had insomnia when we got our cat, Rory, and he decided that I needed to be up at ridiculous hours every day (because that’s when I was getting up when we adopted him). So I woke every day between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m. with a cat kneading my throat, or licking my face, or just plain sitting on me. It became a part of my daily routine.

I got a lot of writing done in that time. And sewing, drawing, etc. The wee hours became the me hours.

Lately, however, Rory has been waking me up later and later. This morning, I got to sleep in until after 5 a.m.! It was amazing. I had forgotten what I was missing in the past year.

The downside to this development is I will have less time for creative endeavors. I’ll have to find a better time to write/draw/paint/sew/etc. now that Rory has deemed it okay for me to sleep.

Oddly enough, I find myself wondering what to do with myself in the mornings now that I don’t have hours upon hours of free time. I can’t very well start an extensive project when there’s only an hour before I have to get ready for work.

I guess decent sleep is a double-edged sword. Without it, I have time to get things done that otherwise might not get done. With it, I’m left wondering what to do with myself.

To dream or not to dream

Health, Insomnia

I have decided that, entertaining though they may be at times, having ultra vivid dreams sucks.

There are some nights when I wake up from one of these dreams and I can’t go back to sleep. Not necessarily because said dream was a bad dream per se, but because the dream felt so real that it’s unnerving. I just don’t want to go back to sleep and experience that again.

Perhaps that’s part of the reason I feel so tired all the time. I don’t get proper rest even on a night when I sleep “well.” How can you feel rested when you’ve just lived an entire day in twenty minutes? The mere concept is exhausting.

Some people say you should write down your dreams and use them as story fodder, but who wants to read a story about going shopping for Christmas decorations after a half day at work? Sure, I could turn it into some kind of quirky tale where everything goes wrong. Or maybe an inspirational story.

Or maybe I need to go back to bed.

Slow Rider

Exercise, Fitness, Health

Okay, so my pace was not the fastest…still, I managed to get in half an hour on the exercise bike in my apartment complex’s “gym.” I took a friend’s advice (she’s majoring in kinesiology–I think that’s the word–so she knows much more than I do about proper exercise) & set the resistance to kinda medium. It felt good to get that workout in, even though it wasn’t much.

I had been considering going on pre-dawn walks in the neighborhood, but my husband was concerned for my safety so he got a key to the gym from the apartment management. I guess they don’t give keys out to all the residents because they had problems with people stealing stuff, but he paid the refundable deposit & got me the key so I can go work out in relative safety. Just a short walk to the exercise room, and the door locks behind me.

This, I hope, was just the first of many days exercising in the mornings. I want to make this a daily thing. I can’t keep being unhealthy. I already eat things that are horrible for my body (is it my fault that patients and coworkers keep bringing cookies, brownies, and doughnuts to the office?), but I’m trying to change that. It’s slow going, because I don’t have the best impulse control when it comes to food. I’m a picky eater, but the things I pick are loaded with sugar and/or carbs.

I’ll lose this extra weight some day. It may be slow going, but at least I’m going.

Baby steps

Health, Writing

So the #insomnia is still a thing, but I’m making progress.

I’ve started forcing myself to try to go back to sleep in the mornings. So far, I’ve gotten up to 4 or 5 hours of sleep the past two nights–which is kind of a new record lately. Sad, I know, but I’m hoping it leads to a good 6 or 7 hours, even if it’s broken like it has been.

The cat has not been helping matters. He’s “trained” himself to wake me up early, because since I had insomnia when we got him he thinks that’s just how things should be. I’m supposed to be up at 2am–that’s just his perspective–so when 4am rolls around & I’m back asleep, he thinks something’s wrong and comes up by my head and starts crying. Guess I should be glad he’s concerned when there’s a change in my routine…I just wish my routine was less crappy.

It’s definitely going to cut into my early morning writing time, but if I can shift my sleep schedule to go to bed a little later I might be able to get more done in the evenings. Next month my husband’s schedule changes so he can train for a new job position, and that will give me more evening time to write. I’m also participating in #NaNoWriMo this year–my first time joining in this event. It’s scary to think that I’m going to have to try to finish 50,000 words in a month, but I’ve heard many good things about NaNoWriMo so I’m going all-in. I’m not going to write a fresh-from-scratch novel; rather, I’m using a work in progress as my starting point, and just aiming to add 50k words to what I already have. That should give me a decent first draft to start from.

The main issue is that I’m a “pantser”: a writer who goes by the seat of my pants, so to speak, rather than doing a lot of pre-planning and outlining. I do plan a little bit, but with this story I’m still not 100% sure of the outcome. That’s right, I’m not even certain how the story is going to end, let alone how to get from point A to point B. I have two chapters, during the writing of which new characters came out that hadn’t even been a thing when I started. It’s interesting, because I almost get to read the story as it’s written, almost like I was reading the book after buying it from a store. Fascinating to see the process, but also I get to be engrossed in the story without being overly distracted by hammering out plot points.

We’ll see how next month goes. I’m excited to see if I can meet the goal. I may have to take my tablet to work to accomplish more during the day, which will make for some tedious format editing once I’m done (due to the app that I will be using to type). Still, it gives me something to occupy my mind and get the creative juices flowing.