Category: Health

Cramped situation

#design, #nerd, #publishing, Art, autoimmune, Cosplay, costuming, Crafting, embroidery, Geek, Health, Novel, SCA, Sewing, Stress, Time, Writing

I’m back to embroidering (did I ever really stop? Lol), and it’s starting to get to these arthritic hands of mine.

Whether I use a hoop or just hold the fabric myself, it seems my fingers get incredibly cramped and painful. I can only stitch for a little bit at a time, which is making projects take longer. Thankfully, I am limiting the number of projects I take on.

I have a Viking hood for my husband to embroider, of which I have gotten probably a quarter done. That’s my Current Project. My Next Project will be a mundane cross stitch for a paying customer. Then, Project Number Three in line will be a large embroidery that isn’t due until Estrella War in February. I hope to get some personal embroidery done in between Next Project and Project Number Three, but we’ll see how my hands tolerate it. I get so excited that people want things embroidered by me that I don’t take the time to say “Sorry, but I wanted to embroider X for myself first.” I need to do that. Take time for personal projects as well as commissions.

The Next Personal Project? I think some embroidery for a Viking Hedeby bag I plan on making. I have the handles, I have the fabric I need, and the rope for the strap will be easy enough to get, but I need to embroider the fabric before I put the bag together so I’m not stitching through the lining. Then after that? Maybe some subversive cross stitching or other such embroidery for hanging up around the house. Maybe something geeky. We’ll see…in March, most likely, because of time constraints.

I’ll eventually get to making garb and cosplay stuff for myself again. After I finish my Current Project and the subsequent pending projects. And after I finish Book 2 and submit it. And after….who knows what will come up next.

Plagued by pollen

#books, #dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, Abnormal, Education, Fandom, Geek, Health, Learning, Marketing, Novel, Promotion, Sci-fi, Social Media, Time, Work, Writing

Sweet baby Jesus, whatever’s in the air lately is kicking my ass.

Okay, so maybe it’s not that bad. I can still breathe–kind of–and I don’t have a scratchy throat. The sniffling and sneezing is annoying as hell, though.

My allergies are weird. Some years, I go without any allergy problems. Others, I have really bad symptoms when the pollen count is low. Still others, I have symptoms for a couple of weeks then nothing. I can’t predict when or how the allergies will strike, so it’s pretty much a crapshoot. Do I take allergy medicine today or not? I might be feeling okay now, but it might get worse as the day goes on.

As far as the Abnormal front goes, I feel pretty accomplished. Yesterday I made several attempts at contacting podcasts, libraries, and bookstores to see about getting Abnormal on the air or on the shelves. No responses yet, but that’s okay. Some days the fish just don’t bite. Just making the contacts is a big step for me, especially with my weird fear of being a bother. Yeah, it’s not the fear of rejection that bothers me. If someone responds with a “no,” well then they’re just not interested. But if I possibly am a bother to them? Man, that gets to me.

Today I hope to contact at least three or four more podcasts, a couple of book blogs, and more libraries. I’ve kind of exhausted the local and regional bookstores–that’s southern Arizona for you. The desert is as empty of bookstores as it is of all but the hardiest of plant and animal species.

Also today, if time allows at work, I need to get my new certification done. It’s an online test, “open book” as it were (because since it’s online, I have Google as my resource if I get stuck). I was hoping to get guidance for what to study from the current person in that position, but he hasn’t had the time to shoot me an email, I guess. That’s okay, though. I can figure it out, I’m sure. It’s just a matter of squeezing it in where I can.

Off to go bother some podcasts and blogs!

A case of excitement

#books, #dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, Abnormal, Celebrity, Convention, Cosplay, costuming, Exercise, Fandom, Fitness, Friendship, Geek, Health, Novel, Sci-fi, Stress, Time, Weight loss, Writing

Tomorrow’s a big day for me in my publishing journey, and I can’t wait!

I have my first book signing scheduled at a local bookstore, complete with a case of books to take with me. I’ve got my markers and pens all bagged up, and I’ve got a ride to the store (my husband will have the car this weekend for an SCA event). All set–just have to make it through a busy Friday at work.

I gotta admit, I was kind of practicing my autograph a little bit when I went through my colored gel pens to find out which ones worked best. I mean, I can’t have a pen die on me mid-signature, right? And, even though my signature is atrocious and in no way legible, I want to be sure everyone gets a good one. And yeah, I’m fully aware that probably the majority of people showing up tomorrow will be friends who could easily get an autograph whenever they want–it’s the thought that counts.

Today at work is going to drag. Yeah, I’ll be busy as all get-out, but at the back of my brain my mind’s going to be at the bookstore. 

I’m also reminded today that there are only 49 days until Tucson Comic Con, where I will have a table to sell and sign books. I need to start saving up to bring some books with me; a case of books is not cheap, even for the author discount. Lol I was hoping to be able to cosplay, but I fear that life has gotten in the way of exercising the past six months or so, and my, er, size might not be the same as it was last year when I last cosplayed. In fact, I’m pretty darn sure I won’t fit any but one of my cosplays–certainly not enough to get me through the whole weekend. Oh, well. My own fault, I guess, for not making the effort to keep up with my workouts when I couldn’t make it to work out with my friends.

That’s okay; I’ll just be glad to be at my table, meeting new people and selling Abnormal to potential fans of the series. 🙂

Back in action

#books, #dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, Abnormal, autoimmune, Exercise, Fandom, fencing, Friendship, Geek, Health, Novel, Reading, SCA, Sci-fi, Stress, swordfighting, Time, Writing

The other day I started Book 3 of the Abnormal series, and I’m stoked to get the story down.

Clare didn’t get to get much badassery done in Book 2, so I’m hoping to advance her character in different ways with Book 3. Sure, she had character development in Book 2, but I want her to be able to hold her own with the characters that have more physical Gifts, and I think I know just the way.

Now, the above isn’t necessarily what Clare looks like, but you get the idea. (Photo courtesy of Pixaby images, from the WordSwag app.) I want her to be badass, and not just mentally. Don’t get me wrong; she’ll still have faults. You gotta give your MCs faults or else they get boring. But yeah, a little more ass-kicking will do her some good.

First, though, I have to get her out of her current predicament. It’s not too hairy, nothing I can’t write my way out of, but I have to get through it before I can jump into stuff that happens later. I’m just not one of those writers who can jump ahead a few chapters or write the ending first. I have to go in order, at least with the first draft, and then if later drafts require it I can add chapters in between.

Book 2 is near-ready for alphas now. I just have a couple people who either need to A- read Abnormal first or B- finish current projects. I probably won’t get Book 3 done before the alpha reads come back, but that’s okay. Book 2 is technically priority right now, but it’s at a point where I can’t look at it anymore or else I’ll go crazy. Well, crazier. 

I’m debating on cutting back on SCA-related events and projects here soon. I’ve just got so much to do with my writing, and I’m getting kind of burned out on SCA events. Not that I don’t love my SCAdian family, but I will need a break very shortly or else I’ll be a hot mess. Events every other weekend, or meetings, whatever, gets to be a lot of stuff. I’ll still go to rapier practice when my body’s not angry at me from the arthritis, but I think that taking it easy will be better in the long run. I jumped into the SCA with both feet, right into the deep end, and I am having trouble getting to the surface for air.

Well, back to Book 3. Clare’s in the middle of–well, spoilers. 😉

Back it up

autoimmune, Health, Stress

Oh, my Gods, the pain!

This is, I think, the first time I’ve been involuntarily sent home from work because of pain. The first time in almost six years of RA symptoms that I’ve been told “Go. Home.” Yeah, I’ve opted to go home early before, but today I was sent home within ten minutes of getting dressed in my surgical scrubs. Not quite a record for me (I have been sent home within seconds of croaking out “Hey” before I even clocked in), but pretty damn close.

I’m trying. I’m using heat, cold, Tylenol, Blue Emu cream, sitting up, lying down, vodka, whatever. I’m planning on getting a back brace on the advice of a friend who used to be a physical therapist, but I’m running out of options. I can’t afford to be out again tomorrow, voluntarily or no.

Update: I was in so much pain that I forgot I was writing this post. However, I got the back brace and so far, it seems to be helping. Minimally, but it’s helping. I’m going to try work today, and if I can’t then I guess it’s off to the doc for me.

Battle royale

#bipolar, #books, #dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, #TV, Abnormal, anxiety, Celebrity, Critique, Depression, Education, Fandom, Geek, Health, Interview, Learning, LGBTQ, Marketing, Mental Health, Musings, Novel, Promotion, Q&A, Reading, Sci-fi, Social Media, Stress, Thoughts, Time, Writing

It’s been a while since I’ve had a legitimate bipolar breakdown, so I guess yesterday’s little panic attack was overdue. Still, it would be nice not to have to go through that at all.
2gbz61
Yeah….
So the marketing process for Abnormal combined with the marketing workshop that my publisher is running on Facebook combined with general anxiety about the projected success or failure of said book all are working together to create that perfect environment for a bipolar freak-out. Last night was the first of what I hope is a minimal number of said freak-outs.
It all started with the sudden realization that the workshop assignments were leading up to us authors identifying and contacting our top genre influencers about our works.
Wait…I have to find out who the top sci-fi/dystopian/LGBTQ bloggers, vloggers, podcasters, journalists, etc, are, then I have to write out emails asking them to read and review my book or do an interview with me, then I have to send out those same emails? Like, actually send them? To people who have thousands and thousands of followers, who probably already lead busy lives and already get gobs of junk emails with the same type of requests? But–but–but…what if I’m bothering them?
Ah, yeah, there’s that irrationality. There’s the anxiety rearing its ugly head.
Fuck you, anxiety. You ruined my evening yesterday.
Fighting with this type of anxiety is a tough one. I can always go to friends or family or to my husband or my publishers with my unfounded concerns, but I can’t always take their logical, rational advice and apply it to the very much illogical and irrational fear I’m experiencing. The irrational fear eats logic for breakfast, chews it up, and spits it out in a sloppy wet wad on the carpet. I always end up stepping square in that wad. I hate stepping on anything wet, literally or metaphorically.
Why is it so horrifying to have to send out some nice, polite emails requesting consideration for myself and my book? I don’t know. Again, it’s an irrational fear. And no, it’s not the fear of them ignoring my emails or sending rejections–it’s the fear of being a bother. A nuisance. An annoyance.
It was difficult to send email requests to some of my favorite authors asking if they’d be interested in having an Advanced Reader Copy of Abnormal to peruse and maybe write a blurb on. I was terrified of annoying them. Of being viewed as spam–even if it was potentially some random assistant who was handling that day’s particular emails. That is what had me paralyzed yesterday. It’s still got me shaken up a bit, but so far this morning no fountains of tears. So that’s progress, right?
Another stressor to add onto these imaginary stressors is the feeling that I have to get all my marketing done before the September 1 release date–which is now ten days away. Ten. Short. Days. My publisher assures me that’s not the case, that I have the entirety of the series to build upon and market to my fanbase, but the timing of the marketing workshop is not helping. Don’t get me wrong–I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity to have such a workshop. It’s just giving me a minor heart attack thinking about all the assignments that are being given with “just ten days” in which to complete the assignments.
Ten days…I’m almost in the single digits.
I had my freak-out. I talked with close friends, with my publisher, with my husband. I whined and moaned and misunderstood the assignments and cried and sobbed and overreacted. I did all the things except stay calm and look at it from a logical standpoint. Logically, the bloggers and vloggers and podcasters and journalists are there to build on their own fanbase, and they (theoretically) welcome the opportunity to read and review something that their fanbase might enjoy. Illogically, they’re going to view me as an overeager spammer nobody who needs to leave them alone.
I’m going to get past this. I’m going to finish this post, search for my genre’s “influencers,” and get started on a template to share in the workshop to eventually turn into emails to said influencers.
It may not be within the next ten days. But I have a whole series to get this done in.
Still, better now than never.
Off I go.
Kicking and screaming, but off I go.

Whatever happened to the girl who could stab people for hours?

#nerd, Critique, Depression, Exercise, fencing, Fitness, Friendship, Geek, Health, HEMA, Learning, martial arts, SCA, Stress, swordfighting

Man, the first time I put a rapier in my hand that was it. Game over, man. I was hooked.
So what happened?
Let me backtrack a bit: I started out super gung-ho about rapier fighting and fencing. I wanted to learn All The Things, and I would get uber frustrated if I didn’t get something right. I went to every practice I could, and I joined a local fencing school to get even more practice in. I did tournaments at events (even though I’m not the greatest at it)–once with a broken foot–, and I even tried melee fighting (which I am even less the greatest at).
Lately, though, and I mean for a good few months now, I haven’t been at it as much. I’ve been withdrawing from the rapier fighting and even exercise days with my rapier friends. Why? What’s got me shying away from the one sport that ever got me excited, that ever made me feel like I could be good at a sport?
Part of it, I think, is that I got burned out after Estrella War. I practiced so much that I just got practiced out. Another part might be that, for whatever reason, my performance in tournaments has dropped significantly. Not that I was ever even close to winning–I wasn’t–but I feel like I’m just flailing around, whereas before I was more focused and driven.
Another part, and it’s not necessarily his fault mind you, but another part is my husband. Due to some … we’ll say “unsportsmanly behavior” … from some more experienced, respected rapier fighters, my husband withdrew from rapier first, before I did. He didn’t want to go to the regular practices, and more recently he stopped going to the rapier academy practices as well. It’s largely a personality clash issue. Not to say that either personality is “wrong,” just that they don’t jive together well. He doesn’t want to go back, but I do…don’t I?
We’ve also been super busy; we go to more out-of-Barony events than we did at this time last year, so Sundays we’re either exhausted from traveling or still heading back from wherever we traveled when it’s time to practice.
I’m still gung ho about trying to get a rapier practice area set up on our land. I’m still plotting that out in my head. But I don’t go and actually practice anymore.
Is it because I live further away now? Well, that would explain the SCA practices, but I’m a tad closer to the rapier academy practices now, so that’s no excuse. I still love my friends and love fighting them and learning from them, so that’s not an issue. So what is it?
Last night I went to a different Barony’s rapier practice. I got to fight a couple of people that I don’t usually fight, and that may have helped a bit to motivate me to do better. I need something more though, some extra push, to get me back in the rapier game. Maybe if I ask my White Scarf for a set day during the week to practice I will get back into things. I mean, I can’t use traveling as an excuse if it’s a work day–I’ll theoretically already be in town.
Regardless of the hows or whys, something’s gotta change. I have to get back at the stabby-stab so I can improve, learn, and excel.
I just gotta figure out tho hows of that bit.
 

Rained out

#dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, autoimmune, Geek, Novel, Parties, SCA, Sci-fi, Stress, Writing

Well that was a wash…
… I learned this weekend that outdoors + stupid boot on my foot + rain + arthritis does not in any way equal fun. I was cold, damp, and miserable. Every time I tried to roll over or shift on my cot during the night I cried out in pain a little bit.
The event got cancelled, but not before we abandoned most of our stuff on the mountain. We’ll go back for it tomorrow, but it was just too hard to try breaking down camp in the rain at the time.
I have to admit, I wasn’t looking forward to a cooking event. I don’t cook. Like, unless it comes out of a box or bag, forget it. But I told my husband I’d go, so despite dreading the event I went. A bit of precognition, perhaps? Probably not, but regardless it was a hot mess.
We ended up going to our friends’ house, where we’ll stay the night before reclaiming our belongings. There are a bunch of people over as we ended up having an impromptu party. So not a total bust, but I kinda wish I’d brought my laptop. Clare and her story are calling out to me.
After obsessing over the changes I had to make to accommodate the new ending to Abnormal, I’ve finally figured out how to work it in. I just need my computer. And time. I need time.
Book 2’s first draft reboot will be done, hopefully by the end of the year, but I’ve got to buckle down and focus.

A second time around for the second time

#dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, Friendship, Geek, Health, Mental Health, Novel, Parties, SCA, Sci-fi, Stress, Time, Work, Writing

In the midst of house party prep, work, sleep, crafting, and never-ending laundry, I somehow managed to get a start on the rewrites for Book 2. I haven’t counted how many new words I’ve written, but between cutting and pasting the usable stuff from the first draft, rejiggering it to fit with the new ending of Abnormal, and fresh writing, I’ve gotten about 2.5k words in about three or four hours of work.
It’s not much, but it’s the start I’ve been trying to achieve. Well, the restart.
The bad guy’s even more of an asshole than he originally was, but I know something he doesn’t know. 😉 The little surprise from a minor character I mentioned when I first wrote the draft is still good to be left in, and they may even have more up their sleeve than even I knew.
It’s not going to be easy, but now that I’ve got a start I feel much less anxious about the work I have ahead of me.
Tomorrow marks the first official housewarming party, though, and it’s the SCAdian one at that. I should be focused on not losing my shit with so many people there. Lol It’s not exactly a small get-together, and my social anxiety wears me out at times. I can’t escape from this party. I have to suck it up and pretend to be sociable no matter how freaked out I am inside.

Dis-Courage

Exercise, Fitness, Health, Musings, Stress, Thoughts, Weight loss

I admit it. I’m a wuss. A coward, even.
Well, maybe not a coward. It’s not that I’m “afraid” to go back to exercising with my friends…or am I?
One thing’s for sure: I’m definitely discouraged. Between the month or so we all took off to prepare for Estrella war and my work schedule, I was off the wagon for too long, causing me to regain almost all of the weight I had worked so hard to lose. Couple that with the new exercises that we’re doing that require more coordination (which I highly lack) and you have a recipe for relapse. I just can’t make myself go anymore. I think about it. I try to psych myself up for it. But in the end, most days I end up staying home and wallowing in self pity.
Am I doomed to be obese forever? I used to be skinny; as early as ten years ago I was skinny. Then the move to Arizona happened, and the stress of not knowing if I’d have a job and having to make new friends got to me, and I stress-ate like a madwoman. I moved into an extended living facility (basically a hotel that has a pseudo-studio apartment for a room) and it was a lot of frozen dinners for me. That didn’t help. Then I met my husband who feeds me quite well, and I just ballooned. It’s been an up-and-down battle for years, one that I feel like I’m losing.
The most recent weight gain is the most depressing yet. I had worked so hard to lose that 10+ pounds only to have almost all of it back within a couple of months. I almost feel like “What’s the point? I’ll just gain it back in weeks the second I stop this” and I’ll end up quitting. I guess I kind of almost have quit already. I have no more motivation, no drive. I’d rather sit at home and wallow in self pity than get out there and exercise with friends.
I guess I’d better sign off for now. The cats keep walking across the keyboard in an attempt to get their morning wet food early, and I’m tired of deleting the jibberish they type.