Category: Insomnia

The eyes have it…or do they?

Health, Insomnia, Sleep

As many of you know (probably from the timing of these posts), I tend to wake up on the early side of early. Sometimes it’s due to my cat being a dick, sometimes it’s weird dreams, and sometimes I just wake up because my body thinks it’s done sleeping.

But is it? I thought my body was done sleeping when I woke up at 2:45, eyes wide open. This morning I keep dozing off at the laptop, hands hovering over the keys, eyes drooping of their own accord. I could put the laptop away and go back to sleep–or rather could have gone back to sleep…now it’s about time to think about getting ready for work anyway. I’ve even had most of an energy drink and my morning Adderall. This will make for a very long day at work today.

It’s weird how I ended up being such an early riser when I used to sleep in as long as possible. It all started when I got a bout of insomnia, and I’d wake up between 1:30 and 3:00 every morning.

Enter Rory, the cat that’s as much a joy in my life as a pain in my ass. He’s a smart cat…sometimes too smart. He taught himself to play fetch. He taught himself that getting in the carrier and going in the car 95% of the time means a trip to visit the other animals at my parents’ house. And he taught himself that I’m “supposed” to be up between 1:30 and 3:00 every morning.

Since we adopted him while I was having my insomnia, he assumed that being up that early was my normal state. When I finally started being able to sleep until “normal” times, he decided that this was not right and proceeded to wake me up every morning between 1:30 and 3:00.

Hence the cat trained me. Thankfully, I now usually don’t wake up until around 2:45 to 3:30, so I guess that’s a bit of an improvement. I go to bed much earlier than I used to, so it kind of balances out. I get roughly 7 hours of sleep a night, even on nights when I have to work super early the next day. Not too shabby. Still, it makes for some long days.

Usually I’m active in the mornings, either writing or sewing or doing some other such semi-productive thing. This morning, however, I just could not muster the energy to walk across the apartment to the craft room to sew on the final touches of my husband’s next pair of cosplay pants. All I have to do is hand-sew some belt loops on (I’d machine-sew them, but my husband tends to be rough on belt loops and I’d rather not have one of them rip off in the middle of a con–best to sew them on by hand where I can put extra stitches in places that a sewing machine just can’t get to), so one would think I’d be eager to get them finished so I can move on to the next thing. One would think.

Since I’ve started typing this I’ve woken up a bit. My eyes no longer droop, and I’m just about ready to start getting ready for the day.

Bring it on, world!

In the morning, before the dawn

Insomnia, Poetry, Writing

In the morning, before the dawn

I wake again, my sleep is gone

Also gone now from my day

Is any hope of restful play

 

I try to make some breakfast food

To lighten now my sour mood

But mood stays dark as starry sky

The time it ticks and passes by

Still my sleep I can’t regain

The path laid down is very plain

Try as I might, I can’t go back

To dreams so bright and room so black

I stretch and moan and groan and yawn

In the morning, before the dawn

A step in the right direction

Anime, Convention, Cosplay, Crafting, Geek, Insomnia, Sewing

I finished yet another piece of our cosplays this morning. Now I have my husband’s pants pretty much finished (just need some buttons) & my kimono is done. I’m pretty proud of the sleeves–I didn’t have a pattern for them, so I made something up. They’re not perfect, of course, but they’re even and the shoulders are comfortable, which means I measured somewhat right.

I’m about to get started on the red sash, and sometime in the next couple of days I’ll probably start on the shoes.

Okay, so I might not get started on the sash just yet. My body has just reminded me that I’ve had like an hour & a half of sleep. So later today. Or maybe tomorrow morning. But I will start soon.

In the dark

Insomnia, Sleep, Writing

Here it is: another morning awoken early for no apparent reason. I’m torn between going back to sleep–and only getting another two and a half hours max–or just staying up to write. Sure, sleep sounds nice, but let’s be honest…I’m not going to get back to sleep right away. Too many thoughts running around inside this head.

The apartment seems strange since my husband unplugged the nightlights I had been using to help me navigate in the dark (they were bothering him and he couldn’t sleep with them on). Not that I’m bothered by the dark; it’s just strange to look around and see no lights on except for my laptop screen, the clocks, and, for whatever reason, my husband’s tablet screen. (Why is that screen on, anyway?)

I suppose since I’m not really tired enough to get back to sleep I should be writing. But I should be trying to get back to sleep. Two and a half hours? Might as well write.

In the quiet before dawn

Insomnia, Novel, Writing

Despite my former hatred of mornings, I’ve come to embrace the time before the sun rises as “me” time, a time when I can get things done that otherwise wouldn’t get finished. I write. I draw. I mess around on the Internet–a lot. Some of my most productive non-work hours are now predawn.

Sure, I’m sleepy when I first get up and sometimes I’m able to get back to sleep, but for the most part once I’m up I’m up and that’s all there is to it. Might as well make use of the time somehow, right?

Yesterday morning I got about two thousand words written on the new manuscript. Will I get as many today? Doubtful, because I have to go in to work early, but still, it’s a start. I may take some time to stare at the computer screen waiting for a name to come to me.

As my husband snores softly next to me, slow and even, I wonder if I should be trying to get back to sleep. Then I remember that there are whole worlds that I have to create in these early morning hours. So here I am: bright eyed (more or less) and bushy tailed (I guess squirrels are early risers?) and raring to go.

It’s slow going, but I hope to finish the first draft of my manuscript by the end of the year. If this novel is anything like my first one, once I muddle past the first half a dozen chapters it will flow much more smoothly.

3 a.m. ramblings

Insomnia, Musings, Thoughts

No particular theme to this post. I just need to keep myself awake so I can get ready for my early work day on time.

I suppose I could have gone back to bed after the cat woke me up. But I didn’t. I transcribed an email interview that needed to be done, then worked on critiques for a charity anthology that I’m part of (a project that is taking a much longer time than originally anticipated). Then I realized that if I went back to sleep I wouldn’t even get that much sleep. So here I am.

I could be working on the mockup of my husband’s cosplay cloak, but I just don’t think I should be handling scissors and sharp pins right now.

No blaming the cat today. I had the option of going back to sleep. Maybe I still will. Maybe not. Will one hour really make that much difference?

I could go to the apartment gym. Work on the stairmaster thingie. Or the rickety exercise bike. But I have a long day ahead of me, and I’m not sure I want to work out this morning. Plus, it’s fucking freezing outside this morning. Literally–32 degrees Fahrenheit. With snow. It may not be a long walk to the gym, but it’s still too long to be outside in that mess…even if the snow here is laughable for someone who’s lived in Ohio for a few years.

There’s the option of taking my shower early, thus waking myself up by scalding hot water. I hate getting ready too early, though. Early, yes, but not two hours before I have to leave for work.

So many choices. So little motivation to do any of them.

Cat Logic

Cats, Insomnia, Sleep

Okay, so it’s 3:30 in the morning. My cat has already woken me up an hour ago to give him his morning feeding (and just because he believes I need to be woken up at 2:00-3:00 in the morning). He has also decided that it’s play time, which is weird for him since he usually waits until my husband wakes up for that.

He brought me a crumpled up receipt about 30 minutes ago. This means, in Rory speak, that he wants to play fetch with it. At 3:00 in the morning. When my husband is still asleep.

In his little mind, now is the perfect time to play. Momma’s up, so it’s playtime. I know he’ll eventually give up and go off to sleep somewhere else in the apartment, but it’s still annoying. I’m trying to goof off on the Internet instead of working on cosplay stuff like I could be doing. Silly kitty, doesn’t he know?

Then again, if I do get out of bed and go to the craft room, he’ll definitely think it’s playtime. All bets are off if I’m in there. It’s on the opposite side of the apartment, so not as much risk of waking up my husband while playing.

Perhaps that’s what he wants–for me to go to the other room.

Who knows. It’s cat logic, after all.

The cat came back the very same day

Cats, Health, Insomnia, Mental Health, Sleep

Rory, Rory, Rory. What am I going to do with you?

I’ve tried feeding him later at night so he’s not as hungry in the morning. I’ve tried closing him out of the bedroom at night. I’ve tried ignoring him. I’ve tried holding him down so he can’t knead on my throat.

But the cat just keeps coming back.

Rory is too smart for my own good. When we first got him, I was having insomnia. I’d wake up between 0130 and 0200 every morning and be unable to go back to sleep. Rory decided that this meant I was supposed to be up at this time, and I have not had an uninterrupted night of sleep since.

I tried untraining him, but that hasn’t worked. He has his mind set that I am awake at a certain time, and that’s that. Granted, he has started waking me up a tad later–like around 0215-0300–but the cat just keeps coming back.

Some mornings, like today, I can tell he just wants food. Still, I wait at least an hour until I feed him so he (hopefully) doesn’t get an immediate association between me waking up and him eating.

Some mornings, he just wants me up. I’ll try to go back to sleep only to have him come back an hour later and start in again. He doesn’t necessarily want anything in particular. In fact, sometimes he immediately goes off to the other room to go back to sleep himself. It’s like once I’m awake all is right with the world and he can rest easy knowing he did his job.

I know I should shut up and accept my fate, but there’s got to be a better way.

I’ll keep trying new things.

But the cat will still come back.

Early in the morning

Cats, Insomnia, Novel, Sleep, Writing

Some mornings I have to get up early for work.

And some mornings, there’s Rory.

My cat does not seem to understand the concept of allowing me to sleep past 2:30 or 3:00 a.m. Every morning, he at least attempts to get me to wake up around that time, though sometimes I can fend him off and get back to sleep for another hour or two.

Rory is a little too smart for my own good. He trained himself to play fetch…and he trained himself to wake me up early in the morning.

It’s slowly getting better. This morning, after his failed 2:30 a.m. attempt, he let me get back to sleep until 4:30. Which, on a day when I don’t have to get up until 5:30 or 6:00 a.m., is still a bit early, but it’s an improvement.

My muse had been silent for a while, but I think I may have an idea for another novel. It’s kind of contrived and probably has been done before, but I’m hoping I can execute it well and have a good story. This time, I’m going to try to put more thought into the plot and not pants it quite so much. The last couple of times I tried pantsing, the results fell rather flat. If the plot does come along, I’ll have something more to do in the mornings other than just mess around on Facebook and Twitter 😉

To the Bone

Corsetry, Cosplay, Crafting, Fandom, Geek, Insomnia, Sewing, Sleep

Finally got the boning in for my corset yesterday. I got all the bones in the channels with no problems, and got the top binding sewn on. My biggest problem? The damn grommets.

Now, according to the directions (and according to several corset making groups I’ve followed on Facebook), the best way to gradually make openings for the grommets is to use an awl–a special leatherworking tool–to open up the space between threads.

I, however, do not own one and did not bother to buy one. I went the long way about it and thus am going to have the cracked and blistered hands to prove it come daylight.

Still, I’m determined to finish this corset. If I’ve gotten far enough to get the boning in, I have to. I wouldn’t be able to rest knowing it wasn’t done (which is probably why I’ve had insomnia all night and have not slept in 23 hours).

I got roughly half of the grommet holes made and the grommets in place, but I can’t set the grommets until it’s later in the morning when people are awake and won’t complain about hammering. I also made one tiny boo-boo where the fabric ripped about half an inch, but I think that once the grommet is set in place it won’t be as bad, and then I can sew it back together. Just need to find thread that matches well.

I hope to be able to post pictures of me wearing the corset soon. I think once I can see how it looks with the hood I made I’ll have a better visualization of how the overall ensemble will look, and it will also give me a better idea of what to do with the skirt. I have the basic design down, but I need to hem it (which I have a plan for) and finish the waist (somehow).

This is the time when I should be going to sleep.

I’m not though. I’ll probably mess around on the computer for a while longer. I’m wired as all get-out & not much will settle me.