Category: Musings

Magik Motivation?

Convention, Cosplay, Diversity, Exercise, Fitness, Musings

Okay. So I’m a big supporter of cosplayers of all shapes and sizes being able to cosplay whatever they want. So, theoretically, I shouldn’t have a problem cosplaying whatever I want.

Except I want to cosplay this:

image

Even if I was skinny again, I wouldn’t want to do the crop top and hot pants. I plan on using a corset and regular pants and sticking to the rest of the design as best as I’m able.

But I do want to be thinner than I am now to do this cosplay in September. So the question is: Do I try to lose weight just for a cosplay when I’m constantly telling people they shouldn’t worry about what size they are when choosing to cosplay? I feel like something of a hypocrite.

I still believe that fans should be able to cosplay whatever their hearts desire. And my fan heart wants to cosplay this character. I just don’t know if I can lose the weight. Or any of it.

Every time I’ve tried in the last couple of years, I’ve failed miserably. In fact, I seem to keep creeping up there even when I try to do right. I lose hope when I make no progress, and I eat worse because I have given up hope. It doesn’t help matters that I’m too exhausted to exercise when I get home from work. Oh, and there’s the whole cosplay thing. I’ve still got stuff to finish for Phoenix Comicon (less than two weeks!)…

I think that, despite my espousing of the importance of positive self-image in the cosplay community, I’m going to try to lose at least some of the weight that I’ve put on. Try being the operative word.

Maybe all I need to motivate myself is a little Magik.

The life of a cat

Cats, Musings, Thoughts, Writing

Man, some days I wish I could be a housecat.

Sleeping all the time. When I’m not sleeping, I’m eating, drinking, or playing. I have people that love me. I have food provided. I have sand to poop in.

Any surface is a bed. Any surface. I can get comfortable in the most uncomfortable of positions. My house is my domain, even when I’m the smallest person there.

Any thing is a toy. Any thing. A ball. A bell. A pen. A ball of my own fur. The only limits to my play are the limits to my imagination … which has no limits.

I am loved so much. I get petted and scratched and snuggled. My every need provided, my every want met.

Some days I wish I could be a housecat.

 

 

Time lost

Musings, Tattoo, Thoughts, Time

Well, I lost an hour or two of my life today.

Is it so hard to make and keep appointments? You write the date and time down, and you make sure to be there. Boom. Done.

Or not. I was supposed to get a tattoo done this evening at 7:00pm. I arrived early–about 6:40pm–and one of the artists in the shop told me that the artist who scheduled me wasn’t even supposed to be in today. It’s his usual day off. So why even schedule an appointment for today if he wasn’t going to be working?

It sucks, because I set aside time and money–not to mention the $20 deposit–to get this done. I planned for it. Looked forward to it. Now it’s not done, and since the artist wasn’t there I can’t even reschedule it because, well, can’t get hold of him. Even when one of the other artists tried calling him he never called back.

I know it’s “just a tattoo,” but that’s not the point. An appointment is an appointment. I wouldn’t even have been upset if he had been running behind, but I left my card–and left the shop–over an hour ago and haven’t heard from the guy. So if he showed up late (after I gave up on waiting), then that means he didn’t bother to call me.

Thus ends my long, whining rant.

Conundrum

Cosplay, Musings, Sleep, Writing

Well, it’s Monday–that dreaded day when you can’t seem to decide whether you want to get out of bed, let alone what you want to do with your time before work once you get up.

I kind of want to write, but I’m not really “feeling” it right now. I know I need to sew, but I’m a little burned out on that one after a busy weekend working on cosplay.

Or, there’s a third option: I could just dick around on the Internet until it’s time to get ready for work. Not exactly productive (okay, not at all productive), but maybe that’s what I need…to not be productive for a little while. To just lie here with my laptop and breathe.

Or maybe sit here and breathe. Damn sunburned back. Ouch.

Why Can’t I Feel

Celebrity, Mental Health, Musings, Poetry

Time stops for them
They’ve lost a friend
Never will they see again

Though never in the past have met
Inside they feel an emptiness
As favored star is laid to rest

So bright he shone
So swiftly gone
Never more to sing his song

So sad they seem
The pain cuts deep
In their hearts they swear to keep

As I sit and watch the pain
I wonder should I try to feign
To make myself seem more humane

But tears don’t fall
I’ve none at all
Emotionally I’ve hit a wall

I cannot feel
It seems unreal
No wounds have I that need to heal

Someone’s dead, someone’s gone
Ne’er again to sing their song
I’ve tried and tried, all day long

I cannot hide
How dead inside
Why can’t I feel when someone dies?

Pushed too far

Bullying, Depression, Diversity, Musings, Thoughts

It happens everywhere. School, home, work, the Web. I’m talking about bullying.

People bully for different reasons. They may be imitating what they’ve seen other bullies do. They may have grown up in a household of bullies and just not know any other way to act. They may be trying to cover their own insecurities. They may just be assholes. The reasons don’t matter. All that matters is that it needs to stop.

What is the point of bullying? Does it make the bully feel cool? Does it make them feel superior? I mean, why do it? Yeah, I listed reasons above, but those aren’t real reasons. More excuses. Y’know, “I was bullied so I’m just fighting back.” “That’s what my dad does.” “They deserve it for being fat/ugly/stupid/insert lame excuse here.”

All of those excuses mean precisely squat to me. There’s no valid reason for bullying. None. All it does is hurt the targets of bullying and can potentially be harmful. Some victims of bullying resort to self-harm, some even get pushed to the point of attempting (or succeeding at) suicide. It’s extremely emotionally devastating.

So why do it? Are these bullies just racist or sexist or homophobic, or maybe just plain phobic of anything that doesn’t fit their ideal of what a person should look like or who a person should be? You hear that, bullies? Maybe you’re just scared. Pretend predators who are really just frightened little rabbits, nibbling at others’ feelings to try to feel powerful and fierce.

I don’t care what kind of power you may feel when you bully someone. I don’t care if you’re doing it due to some deep-set insecurities. If you find yourself pushing someone–physically, verbally, or emotionally–quit it. Just stop. Just fucking stop.

In short, to quote the immortal words of Wil Wheaton: “Don’t be a dick.”

Incommunicado

Musings, Thoughts

Ever have one of those days when you just plain don’t have anything to say? Days where your mind is on autopilot and you can barely muster a coherent thought? That was me yesterday. I just didn’t have anything to say.

I went to my parents’ house for laundry, as I do almost every Saturday. I watched some TV. I slept a lot. I tried to write (unsuccessfully), and I listened to music for a little while. Otherwise, nothing to report.

I must be on autopilot now as well…I just retyped the first paragraph–almost verbatim–right here. Derp.

Some cosplay finishing touches might get done today. Or they might not. I need to organize my part of the closet in our bedroom. There are clothes that don’t fit anymore or that I don’t ever wear or that I’ve forgotten that I own. There are also clothes I have that I don’t know what to do with. I mean, I wear them. I use them. I just don’t know where to put them.

I’m not sure if I’ll get any writing done. Maybe a few words here and there. Yesterday’s attempt gave me a couple hundred more words, but I still haven’t broken 18k. Such disappointment.

So, here’s my semi-daily ramble. Much was said, but nothing of worth. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be feeling more sage.

Listing Forward

#nerd, Convention, Cosplay, Crafting, Geek, Interview, Musings, Thoughts

Lists upon lists upon lists upon lists. I have a list for the things I need to finish on our cosplays. I have a list for interviews I want to do for Phoenix Comicon. I’m making lists of lists I need to make.

I don’t know what has brought on this sudden need to organize. I guess I’m afraid I’ll forget something important.

Oh, that reminds me…I need to make a list of things to bring to Phoenix Comicon so I don’t forget any cosplay items when we go.

Maybe it’s the OCD in me. Maybe it’s neurosis. Maybe it’s just procrastinating from the things I’m making lists for.

I should make a list of possible reasons…

Is the Reign of the Nerds Coming to an End?

Convention, Cosplay, Diversity, Fandom, Geek, Musings, Sci-fi, Thoughts

It happens to everyone: you have your fifteen minutes of fame, your time in the spotlight, your moment as King of the Realm. Everything uncool becomes cool at some point, and nerd is no different.

In the past several years, there has been an upsurge in growth of the popularity of nerd culture. Comicons are now hot commodities, cosplay is mainstream, and movies like Star Wars and superhero films are blowing box office records out of the water. It seems like all things nerd are cool.

As happens with all things, though, popularity cycles through the cliques, and nerd is no exception. It can’t last forever. Nothing does. So when will our rise to power come crashing down?

It’s hard to say. With Star Wars and Deadpool killing box office records, Funko Pop! figures selling like hotcakes, and nerdy merchandising overflowing in almost every store, it seems that nerd culture is still on the upswing. It is now cool to admit that you’re a nerd, a geek, a dweeb, a fan. No more hiding in the shadows, no more skulking around, hoping the jocks won’t notice you and stuff you in a locker.

I don’t foresee this as lasting, though. I predict an end to the nerd reign in the next few years. I think we’ve reached a climax. We are at the orgasm of popularity, and after a little while spent in the afterglow, we’ll be left spent and sweaty as society dumps us for a new girlfriend.

Who will overtake the nerds at the top of the food chain? I have no clue. Hipsters, maybe? They’re already mocked as nerds once were. Or perhaps the jock will retake his crown once nerddom falls. The beauty queen? The burnout? Who knows.

Fellow nerds, enjoy our time at the top while we still have it. There’s not telling when we’ll be back in charge again.

Lazy Thursday Morning…for now

Health, Mental Health, Musings, Thoughts

It’s morningtime before work, and usually I’m trying to be somewhat productive: writing, drawing, cosplay work, something. Today? Today I’m kind of just messing around on the Internet.

Sure, I have a news post to type up, but that won’t take me long. It’s just so nice to sit here, warm with my blankets and sweatshirt, and just be.

Do you ever take the time to just be? To forget that the world is spinning out of control and just be content in who you are and what you’re doing with your life? It’s surprisingly tough. We live in a society where not doing something is considered lazy, but it’s very important to take the time to focus on you every so often.

I’ve got some music to listen to, but otherwise I’m just existing. (Okay, so I’m typing up this post at the same time–hard to write about just existing while just existing.)

Of course, for some people just existing isn’t quite enough. Some people thrive on constant movement, constant activity, constant action. Me? I can handle it, but every once in a while I need to just be.

Take the time this weekend to just exist for a while. Zone out. Zen out. Whatever you have to do to connect with who you are. You’ll thank me for it later.