Sleep – Page 2 – AJ Mullican, Author

Drizzle

Depression, Home, Insomnia, Mental Health, Musings, Sleep, Thoughts, Work

It’s raining in Arizona.

It happens from time to time. Mostly in the late summer and early fall, during monsoon season, but it happens.

I could be sleepy because of the dismal weather. It could be because I didn’t really sleep much last night. Or maybe that second cup of coffee I skipped. Regardless, I’ll be needing another dose of my Adderall if I’m going to survive work today.

This kind of weather actually excites some Arizonans, especially the lifers. Me? I hate it. The sky is dreary and dark, even though the sun should be up by now. The pitter patter of rain on the windshield as I wait in the parking lot drones, making me feel drowsy and sluggish. It’s altogether depressing.

It’s cold, too. Not bone-chilling by any means, and my cousins up north would laugh if they read this, but it’s still cold to me.

I am not looking forward to today. If the rain keeps up, I’ll probably dread tomorrow too.

I want to go home. Back to bed. Snuggle up under the covers and forget the world. I can’t, though. I need to make the money to pay the bills. Gotta keep a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. Heating and cooling and all that. Takes money–which requires work. Fucking vicious cycle.

The sun’ll come out… sometime. Meanwhile I will drag one foot in front of the other, plaster a smile on my face, and pretend that I want to be at work.

Fucking responsibility. Worst type of day for it.

Finding my balance

#books, #design, #dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, Abnormal, anxiety, Art, Celebrity, Convention, Crafting, embroidery, Fandom, Geek, Insomnia, Learning, Marketing, Mental Health, Musings, Novel, Promotion, SCA, Sci-fi, Sewing, Sleep, Social Media, Stress, Time, Work, Writing

Work. Home. SCA. Books. I have many different facets to my life, and I’m having a bit of trouble finding the right balance between them all.

I forgot something at work last week–something major, in relation to my new position. That was embarrassing. At home, my sleep schedule is still very off despite the new dosage of meds. I’m pulling back from the SCA to try to manage the other parts, and I’m slacking on the book promotion.

I will have to force extra time between patients for the new position. I don’t know what I’m going to do about the sleep, aside from making offerings to Morpheus or something. I’m slowly finding the balance of SCA–I need to take at least one weekend a month off from it, it seems, to be able to keep sane. And as far as book promotion goes, I’m back at it this morning–between embroidery and catnaps, that is.

*Sigh.* How do busy people do it? I’ve been mostly a couch potato my whole life, and now I have work life, social life, home life, and author life. It’s a little overwhelming.

I’m going to have to apologize to my potential future Laurel for my absence from the SCA and for my complaining in this blog about wanting to take a break from the arting. From what my husband tells me (he went to an SCA event this past weekend while I stayed home), she thought I meant I wanted to take a break from working with her on arts. Not so. I just needed a break from period art in general, and I think my “weekend off” might have given me a chance to recharge and regroup.

This week, I’ll do better. I’ll work harder. Sleep more (maybe?). Craft more. Promote more.

There are people out there with fuller schedules than mine. Surely I can juggle these few things and still allot myself enough time for each.

Nervous energy

#bipolar, #books, #dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, Abnormal, anxiety, Celebrity, Depression, Fandom, Geek, Health, Insomnia, Marketing, Mental Health, Novel, Promotion, Sci-fi, Sleep, Social Media, Stress, Work, Writing

Maybe it’s because my confidence has always been low. Maybe it’s because the process is still new to me, even though I’ve been through it before. Maybe it’s just those just-submitted-my-manuscript jitters.

Regardless of the cause, I’m abuzz with a ton of energy–too much for the amount of sleep I haven’t gotten yet.

I thought there’d be a rush of relief, a release of pent-up adrenaline, something, but nope. All that excess energy is still swimming around inside my head, and it’s frustrating. I want to sleep. I want to rest. I don’t really want to be up right now, yet here I am. Sure, I could have stayed in bed, but as I’ve discovered lately, unless I’m woken by my bladder and my bladder alone, when I’m awake I’m awake for at least a good hour or two, and the longer I spend in bed lamenting my lack of sleep the harder it is to doze back off. At least out in the living room I can get stuff done.

Yesterday I finished revisions on the draft of Book 2 and started the tedious process of writing an outline, synopsis, and query letter. Yep, those nasty little necessities that make being an author actual work. I bet if I logged the actual hours I spent working on writing, editing, revising, marketing, and promoting, I’d be in OT. Like, every week.

I know my husband isn’t at all happy with my predawn antics. He wants me in bed, resting. But it’s not like I’m getting up early on purpose–I just…wake up. A lot.

Tomorrow morning I see the ol’ psychiatrist. Guess it might be time to change up the sleeping meds…again. The last med he gave me works well enough at full dose, except I can’t wake up properly in the morning. I get extremely groggy, and I’ve had some close calls on the commute to work when I take the full dose. The doctor said that if that happens I can half it, so I half it. But fat lot of good it does at half.

Sometimes I wonder if this insomnia is bipolar-related, but when I think back on it this has been going on a very, very long time, too long for it to be a manic episode. I think I’d be proper crazy if I was in a sustained manic state for this long. As it is, I’m only semi-crazy, so I guess it doesn’t stem from the bipolar. Is that a good thing? I have no clue.

The psychiatrist should be pleased that Abnormal has been published, along with a book signing and a library appearance, but he’ll be disappointed that I haven’t been on Oprah’s show yet. I guess that’s his gauge of success for an author: appearing on Oprah.

I somehow doubt Oprah would be interested in my writing style, but who knows? Maybe I should add her to my list of influencers to contact. Lol

Not very con-tagious

#books, #design, #dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, Abnormal, anxiety, Art, Celebrity, Convention, Crafting, embroidery, Fandom, Geek, Mental Health, Novel, SCA, Sci-fi, Sewing, Sleep, Stress, Time, Work, Writing

I went to a gaming convention the last two days–a small one–but I spent most of the time, er, not gaming.

I had intended on playing games, but I only played one the whole day and a half I was there. It was a fun game, but I got peopled out pretty quickly. Thankfully, my friends were gracious enough to give me a copy of their hotel room key so I’d have a place to escape from the crowds. It was nice. I took a solid two-hour nap today. That was really nice.

Tucson Comic Con won’t give me that luxury. I’ll be there, and I’ll be stuck. I think it’ll be okay though. I’ll be behind a table surrounded by my books. I’ll have a barrier between me and them.

I got a lot of progress done on the embroidery for my husband’s Viking hood this weekend though, and I’ll get more done tomorrow. I won’t get done, but I’ll maybe get from a quarter of the way done to maybe a third or even halfway done.

Book 3 hasn’t gotten any more written yet. I am still waiting for the alpha readers to finish their feedback on Book 2, so I don’t want to get too far and have to rewrite the whole thing like I had to do with Book 2.

Hopefully soon things won’t be so stagnant. I feel like I’ve been neglecting this blog because I haven’t had anything to say. Work is work…oh! Except I got a new certification… now I’m a certified medical laser safety officer. I’ve done an audit and everything. So yeah. There’s that, and then work is work.

Things will pick up once I get back to work on Book 2 and once Tucson Comic Con gets closer.

Lack of sleep has robbed me of my wit

Sleep, Stress, Thoughts, Time, Work

No catchy title here. No play on words, no hidden meaning. I was afraid I wouldn’t wake up in time to get ready for my surgery shift this morning, so I only took a half of my trazodone pill. When did I wake up? About midnight. Yeah. I mean, I got some more sleep on the couch as I piddled around on the Internet, but overall I think I got four hours, maybe four and a half.
Oh, and I also forgot to take my pills before I left the house today. I managed to get them from the medicine cabinet and shove them in my purse just as my coworker arrived to give me a ride, but I didn’t have any water to take them with until we got to the office. Adderall still hasn’t kicked in, so I’m yawning so much my eyes are watering.
Otherwise, my last twenty four hours have been hectic. A long, busy work day, dropping stuff off at a friend’s house, going home to pick up my husband so we could go to a class on acid etching, then going home and crashing from pain and exhaustion. Because my coworker had to be in earlier than I normally do, I ended up back at the office less than twelve hours after I left.
Tonight doesn’t have anything scheduled to go out and do, but it’s getting to the point where I need to do laundry or else I will have no socks, underwear, or scrubs… all of which I will need for tomorrow morning.
I’m going to try increasing the trazodone this weekend to see if I get more solid sleep with a higher dose. I don’t know why none of the sleeping meds I try seem to last more than a few hours before I’m wide awake. Lately I’ve been able to get back to sleep on the couch after a couple of hours, but it’s not much help. I get things done (when my brain is functioning) like writing, sewing, editing, etc, but it’s not adding up to being worth how tired I am later on.
We’ll see how the higher trazodone dose works. See if it makes me too drowsy after only four hours of sleep or if it allows me to sleep for an extended period of time and wake up functional.
If not, I feel like I’m kinda at my wit’s end….
Oh hey, I managed to make a play on words after all! Maybe the Adderall is starting to kick in.

Guarded outlook

#dystopian, #nerd, #publishing, Crafting, fencing, Geek, Musings, Novel, SCA, Sci-fi, Sleep, swordfighting, Time, Writing

I spent most of the active hours of the day guarding my Queen, and it was kind of nice. She rested most of the time I was on duty, and she even ordered me to have some ice cream.
Tomorrow I try fighting at this altitude. I’m doing okay now, but I get tired quickly. It’s nine fifteen at night and my glasses are fogging up from the heat and mugginess. But I’m okay. I’ll just sleep on top of the sleeping bag until it cools off.
It’s been a strange day, time-wise. I started in the wee hours writing futuristic sci-fi on my laptop…in a tent in the middle of the woods… And throughout the day I was pretty much dressed like a Viking…. while wearing Sketchers. (My foot started hurting, and I’ll never make it through the weekend on medieval shoes like that.) It’s kinda surreal.
It will be strange to be back in real, current times. Back at work, back writing, back doing all the things I’ve been doing–but dressed normal. Well, normal for us.
Time for bed–er, cot now. See you all on the morrow.

Signed, sealed, delivered, HOME

#design, #dreams, #nerd, #publishing, Art, Crafting, fencing, Home, Marketing, Novel, Parties, Promotion, SCA, Sci-fi, Sewing, Sleep, Social Media, Stress, swordfighting, Time, Writing

We did it! After more than a year and a half of planning and building and paperwork and stress, our house is our house. We can sleep and eat and shower and live in it!
The first night went well, though I didn’t sleep any better than usual. Still woke up ass-early in the morning, but I was able to do some revisions on the chaise of the couch while my husband slept soundly, without worrying about typing too loud or finding headphones to listen to music on the laptop.
Yeah, there are boxes everywhere. Yeah, we still don’t have all the smart home stuff fully set up (though I can turn on/off lights and fans and such with my phone or the Echo now). Yeah, there’s still stuff lingering in the apartment. Yeah, we still need to clean the apartment. We have to officially change our address at the post office and numerous other places. We have to get used to driving an extra 20+ minutes to get anywhere compared to the 5-10 minutes it used to take when we lived “in town.” We’ve got stuff that we need to purchase to maintain the land and house and all that. But we’re home.
Rory and River love it. They were apprehensive at first, but once they realized they were here to stay and they had twice the space to explore as the apartment, they were all about the house. There’s new furniture and old to climb on, new windows to look out (with windowsills they both fit on), and a nice, new concrete floor to lie on when they need to cool off.
This upcoming long weekend will be a huge help in getting settled. We’re going to see Solo on Saturday (and making an out-of-town trip for it), but otherwise we don’t really have anything planned. We can take a breath and focus and get things organized. Just knowing that we have that little bit of extra time helps me relax and get out of OMG-I-have-so-much-stuff-to-do-and-no-time mode.
Revisions are coming along again now that we’re moved. I’m about halfway through a preliminary read of the edits, but of course I have to review everything a couple of times before resubmitting. After all, this is the LAST batch of edits. The LAST revisions before publication. I can’t say when publication is yet, because I haven’t been officially announced by the publisher, but as soon as I can I’ll be blasting it all over the Interwebs. (Which reminds me, I need to get back to actually utilizing Twitter to grow a fanbase/network and to start marketing.) I’ve given my publishers an open invite to stay with us should they ever come to Arizona, and there are tentative plans in the works to get some booths set up at local conventions once the book is published.
As soon as this first book is “put to bed” I’m going to get cracking on simultaneous edits/rewrites on Book 2 and SCA Arts & Sciences projects. I have to learn/write the documentation for the one thing I’ve made so far, finish the research on the research paper I plan on writing, and potentially make a third thing for entry. I’ve gone from entering just in the local Baronial Arts & Sciences competition to entering as part of a household in another Barony. Still a lot to do in just a month or two, but I’ll be okay. I just need to breathe and not stress out too much about any of it. Of course, to make the third as-yet-to-be-determined thing for A&S I’ll need a new chair for the craft room. Turns out the carefully-planned room (which is still awesome) does not have enough room for the futon I used to sit on, so I need an actual, like, office chair or something. Oh yeah, and I have to put all the crap in there away, or at least “away enough” to where I can start on the third project. At least the research paper doesn’t need to be constructed, just written and printed.
We have no less than three house parties in the works now, with one huge SCA party planned, one party for family and coworkers, and one party (date as-yet-to-be-determined) for close friends. I’m hoping to get at least some of the “rapier obstacle course” that I plan on making done by the SCA party, so we can have some er, party games. Yeah. Party games. With mutherfuckin’ swords. Hell yeah.
Lots to do, but much less pressure now.
Now that I’m home.
Home, sweet home.

A portent of things to come

#design, #dreams, #dystopian, #publishing, Home, Marketing, Novel, Promotion, Sci-fi, Sleep, Stress, Time, Writing

I received the best email this morning: the previews for the promotional materials for my book! They look great, and it’s lit a new fire under me to get my revisions done ASAP.
Unfortunately, I’m still mid-move, so that throws a bit of a wrench into things. I can’t just wake up early and open the laptop and get cracking. I have to pack boxes and get those things ready. That’s in the mornings; the evenings (after work) are for unpacking said boxes in the house. We’ve gotten maybe half of the apartment moved over, but the remaining half is the tough stuff. Clothes, dishes, electronics, deep freeze, food, bed, TV, and all the little piddly stuff that’s been left. I don’t know where I’m going to get the time. Well, I suppose I could cut back on what little sleep I get….
I’ll get it done by the deadline. I have to. I’m not giving myself any other option.
It’ll be nice to finally be in our house… But I can’t let my guard down. I’ve got to remember that I’ve still got work to do.

Collared

#design, autoimmune, costuming, Crafting, Health, Insomnia, Mental Health, SCA, Sewing, Sleep

Well, I’m getting closer…the end is in sight! Except this one little problem: someone got a little scissor-happy when she was cutting the neckline for her husband’s tunic and now must figure out a way to add on fabric without making it look weird.
I’m sure I can do it, but not right now–not at 0100. Maybe in a few hours I will have the functional capacity to design, cut, stamp, and sew a new collar/neckline/whatever. As it is, I’m quite irritated with my body for waking me up an hour ago for no good reason. I’ve been sleeping pretty well the past several nights, but tonight it’s back to waking up around midnight wide awake and unable to drift back off.
The sad thing is, between the bipolar disorder (panic attacks or racing thoughts at bedtime if I don’t take my Klonopin) and the rheumatoid arthritis (back/shoulder aches if I don’t take my Flexeril) I take enough crap to knock out a rhino. Ok, maybe not that much…but it’s a lot for the average Joe. I also have temazepam that I can take as needed for sleep, but I’ve found that it doesn’t help me stay asleep so much as helping me fall asleep–which I generally don’t need help with. I can fall asleep just fine most nights. It’s that tricky staying asleep thing that gets me. I’ll sleep four to five hours and then wake up all energized and crap. So not fair.
Once my husband gets up and tries on the tunic (with his gorget, so I can see how much collar I need to drum up), I can get to work on it. Right now? Now I have to find something to do to alleviate the boredom until he wakes up.
Good thing I still have a couple projects pending. On to sewing trim onto a different tunic!

A page in the life

#publishing, Celebrity, Fandom, Insomnia, Marketing, Novel, Promotion, Sleep, Social Media, Writing

So I manage a cosplay page on Facebook (that has stalled at the wayside as SCA overruns cosplay on the priority scale), a “fan” page for our cat, Rory, a page for my oft-forgotten Etsy shop, and of course the work I do for the Barony. So why did I add another page to keep track of?
Oh yeah, author Facebook pages are a thing. That’s why I did it.
You see, it goes something like this: I was typing up a scheduled post for Friday (keep your eyes peeled, folks!), and I realized that I haven’t had a proper page for my writing in years. I just keep losing track of what I’m doing and forgetting to post and then I ditch the page in favor of just using Twitter and this blog to promote moi.
Can’t keep doing that. People like having “fanpages” they can use to get updates on their favorite authors’ comings and goings. Granted, I don’t come or go much, but I do write, and I can write about writing. So off to Facebook I went to create a page.
Except I can’t get the damn URL to be custom. I guess not enough people like the page yet? Maybe that’s why…anywho, for now this is the URL: https://www.facebook.com/AJ-Mullican-143311953045804/
Yeah, you see why I want a custom one. I think if enough people like the page I can pop in and create that custom URL in a jiffy, but right now it’s the middle of the night and no one’s up to add it.
It should be interesting to see how the viewership of this blog changes with the new Facebook page. You see, I changed my Twitter settings so my tweets go to the author page, not my personal Facebook feed. Say what? Yeah, WordPress is cool like that; it lets you share to different social media platforms when you publish. So why does changing my Twitter settings change my WordPress posting? Okay, so Twitter does a cool thing, too: it lets you share your tweets to different social media platforms as well. So WordPress –> Twitter –> Facebook. Easy peasy. Or something. It’s worked so far; guess we’ll see how well it works now that the settings are tweaked. If worse comes to worse (or is it worst comes to worst? Damnit), I can just share from the page to my personal feed if I want my blog read by more friends and family. A P.I.T.A. to be sure, but eventually people will see that the author page is the original poster of the blog posts and thus go to the author page and like it and then everything will be swell. Or not.
Facebook, you see, is tricksy.

More tricksy than nots. What they have are these silly metrics things, which are apparently arbitrary and only to Facebook’s benefit. To make a long story short, if you don’t pay them monies to get your posts seen, even people who “follow” your page won’t see your posts. Lame.
So, again, why make the author page?
Because it gives my publisher a link to show people, that’s why. Yeah, it’s a new page and doesn’t have much content (yet)….it’s still something. And the more links they can give, the more exposure I can get once it’s time for Book 1 to get released.

Credit to the Oatmeal. Because that guy fucking rocks, and he deserves both exposure and monies for the work he does.
Seriously, though, as an author a little exposure can go a long way. I mean, if people don’t know I’m there or that my work is there, how can they be interested? Yeah, exposure itself doesn’t pay, but if people see the thing and want to read the thing, then (in theory) if they want it enough they’ll pay to read the thing.
Or maybe I’m just nucking futs at 1:30 in the morning, having very little sleep and being unable to either get to sleep naturally or take more sleeping medicine. (I already took my prescriptions hours ago…they worked to get me to sleep initially, but not to keep me there or get me back there.)
We’ll see how the page goes once people wake up and start liking the page and once I can update the URL and all that fun happy stuff.
Until then…to the writing board!