So I’ve been organizing my closet for much of the morning, something I normally don’t do. Part of it stems from my husband insisting that I get my junk cleaned out.
Part of it, though, either comes from OCD–the obsessive-compulsive desire to straighten and organize things–and part of it may or may not come from mania. Am I manic, or am I just normal me getting things cleaned up?
It’s hard for me to tell. The depressive episodes are usually pretty clear cut. I can tell when they’re coming on. The manic ones? Oftentimes I have no clue until I’m well into one. I guess that’s the trouble with manic episodes. The euphoria and energy that come along with that feel so good sometimes that you don’t realize something’s wrong.
Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes–note I say sometimes–it can be a good thing. I get things done that have been tossed to the side for months. But the “I can do anything” part of mania is rarely a good thing. Reckless driving, risky sexual behavior (thankfully I’m married and don’t need to worry about that part anymore), etc. For every good, there’s a bad.
Now that I’ve started typing this, I think that I’m just being OCD. Maybe not even that. Maybe *gasp* normal. I finally let the piles of crap get to the point where it bugged me enough to take action. I want to get things into their rightful places. It’s not a massive desire to go through every single thing I own (which is evident by my husband doing the folding of sheets and blankets right now, something I hate to do and would surely have done had I been manic). And I’m not really cleaning, per say. Just organizing. Sorting.
Sometimes I guess it takes a little outside introspection to figure things out.